My husband is a man.
And as such, he does manly things.
He likes sports and to grill out, and he enjoys wrestling, throwing, swinging, and other very physical activities with my son. He is a provider and he is a leader, albeit sometimes a quiet one.
My husband has always been happy to do things around the house–but here is where things get a little hairy.
You see, he doesn’t do household things like a woman. He does them–well, the way that a man would.
I realize this may come as a shock. My husband does not load the dishwasher like I do. He does not fold and put away the laundry like I do. He doesn’t even clean the bathroom like I do.
Is there a “right” way to chop an onion?
Well, even if it’s not the way I would cut it, it will still flavor the soup and still be able to be chewed once we eat it.
Is there a “right” way to load the dishwasher?
Well, perhaps if you didn’t put soap in it, but otherwise, the dishes will still get clean. And isn’t that the point of a dishwasher?
Is there a “right” way to fold the laundry?
Well, as long as all of us get clean underwear and towels, wasn’t that the point?
It’s easy to get into the slump of “he didn’t do it my way.” But–maybe I didn’t do it his way. And you know what? He probably didn’t complain about it. He just accepted it because it’s who I am.
Sometimes, I think we lose sight of the big picture.
Is it more important to get help around the house? To share the burden of budgeting and finances? To let someone else take a turn watching the baby?
Because I guarantee you–it won’t be done exactly how YOU would have done it. And yet, if we let go of that control, of that “need” to have things done a certain way, we may find that our lives are richly blessed. We may find it easier, in fact, to follow 1 Thessalonians 5:18:
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
Instead of, “Why did he load the dishes this way!” perhaps we can say, “Thank you, Lord, for giving me a husband who helps clean up supper!”
Instead of, “Why can’t he find a matching set of clothes to put on the baby!” perhaps we can say, “Thank you, Lord, for granting me time to rest while my husband made sure the baby is warm, clean, and dry.”
Instead of complaining, perhaps we can learn the not-so-easy-as-it-sounds task of saying “Thank you.” To God. To our families. To anyone around us.
And that may make all the difference.
Be encouraged by these posts as well!
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This is definitely an area I struggle in. Thank you for your gentle reminder!
it is so easy to complain when they do not do things the way we want them done, but Thanking him will show him just how appreciative you are
I love this. My husband and I do things so differently (even down to parking our cars in the driveway) I often have to remind myself that it’s not a big deal and how thankful I am that he does so much.
Tracy, this is such a great post and so appropriate with Thanksgiving next week. Our spouses are unique individuals and God created them so. I am thankful, that my man has put up with me all these years, whether he helps around the house or not, ha, ha. Thanks for sharing. – Amy
http://stylingrannymama.com/
I’m always glad when my husband helps out around the house, even if he does things slightly differently. This is especially true for cooking, since it’s not my favorite chore.
I am beyond thankful that I have a husband who notices the household chores, too! I’ve given up ‘the right way’. Who’s to say my way is right?!
Exactly! This is so true. We need to focus on the good things, not the ‘not my way’ idea. He helps, more than we often give credit for!
Tracy,
Thank You for this beautiful reminder. I can be a little OCD when it comes to how my towels are folded. The other night my husband was kind enough to fold the towels and then I complained. I’m guilty as charged. However, my reason is because they won’t fit in the linen closet. He does so many things without me asking and this post reminded me of how blessed I am.
I was a perfectionist when I first got married, many of these things really got to me. With each child, I’ve needed to loosen up. My husband is on the same team as me, wants the same end goal and is trying to help.
As I read this, I couldn’t help but giggle thinking about how frustrated I used to get when we were first married. Then we finally agreed that whoever puts the dishes away gets to decide how to do it, whoever puts on the toilet paper get to put it on “correctly” to them, etc.
I so appreciate that you focus on being thankful instead of complaining!
amen! yes.. instead of making a bug hype when things aren’t done in our way, we can overwrite that frustration by choosing to be thankful to God for their goodness.
This is so true. Funny thing is, however, it is sort of the other way round here. My husband is the one that is picky about how things get done and I’m the one that has to wrestle with feeling like there’s no point to bothering with it if he isn’t going to be satisfied or needs to redo it anyway!
So well said. Yes, we do things differently – and he has a lot more respect and acceptance for our differences than I usually do. Why do I do that? Get frustrated at the way he puts the kids clothes away! He did it… it was 1 less thing I had to do… he didn’t want to do it… he did it because he loves me… wanted to help me… and was repaid with criticism. 🙁 I needed this reminder today!