What If? Living with No Regrets

What If? Living with No Regrets

Toni was born and raised in a small town in Oklahoma.She graduated from East Central University with a Bachelor's of Science Degree in Business Administration with a concentration in Economics.After college, she returned to her hometown to marry her best friend, Charles.Toni is a stay at home mom to their three teens, two boys and a girl, whom God led them to homeschool.Her goal is to raise her children to love and serve the Lord.They live on a farm where they grow produce to sell at several farmers markets.She also plays the piano at church and teaches piano.
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We all ask that question, “What if?”  Usually, it is for something we regret.  Sometimes, it is for something we wish for.  Or, maybe you are like my husband and if someone asks, “What if…”, he answers back with, “What if a big green monster jumped out of the sky and ate us all up?”  We live our lives with the “what ifs?”


A friend recently asked a question on Facebook:

“If you could change anything about your life, what would it be?”

Most answers were about work, where they lived, decisions, education, finances, marriages, and past behavior. Some were silly like to be rich or be able to answer her previous question.  (What is your favorite dip?)  Some answers brought tears to my eyes and others made me smile.  Most were filled with regret, though.

I pondered this question for several minutes before commenting:

“We all say that we would change things, but those things are what made us who we are.  All those “mistakes” are what shaped us.  Yes, I would like to go back and change things, but if I had, I would not be where I am today.  So when you think of it that way, I wouldn’t change a thing and I don’t think most people would.”

Our decisions/actions have consequences, good and bad.  How we react to these consequences shape us as a person.  They make us who and what we are.  We have all heard the saying, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”  These things bring us to this point in our lives.

Looking back on my life, I realize that if I had made a different decision in high school, my whole life would be different.  I had planned to go out of state to an Ivy League university.  I had been accepted and was making plans.  During that time, I was also concurrently enrolled in a small, local college.  I had friends there and just somehow ended up staying and not going out of state.  While I did not meet my husband at college, it was because I was at a local college and went home every weekend to work that led to us dating (we had met previously through a friend).

Yes, it would have been impressive to graduate from an Ivy League school, but that would have changed the entire course of my life.  So, because of that decision, I am married to my wonderful husband with three incredible children that I would not have had. I am a stay at home, homeschooling mom (So, I guess it does not matter where my degree came from.)  I love my life and my family.  Why would I want to change that?

I can look back on so many other things in my life and see that if I had made a different decision or something else had happened, my life would be very different.  My life is by no means perfect, but I would not change it.  God wants us to live our lives for Him.  As long as we are striving to do that, our decisions will be the right ones. We should be looking forward and not backward.  Let’s live our lives so that we will have no regrets.

Do you have regrets?

Would you change things if you could?

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I’m Not Who I Was…Regret and Forgiveness

I’m Not Who I Was…Regret and Forgiveness

Hello. I grew up traveling the world as a military brat. I ultimately felt God's pull to Oklahoma Christian University where I met my husband. We now have 3 beautiful children and have settled in Mustang, Oklahoma.I am a homeschooling mom and with 3 kiddos it is a full time job! I am daily encouraged by God's great patience and grace in my life. In my free time I enjoy reading and crafting.

Do You Have Regrets?

Have you ever found you have regrets that seem to continually haunt you?  In my experience these regrets can be anything from something seemingly small all the way up to bigger things.  Along with that, I’ve found it’s harder for me to find the strength to ask for forgiveness for some of these regrets than others.  I’m not talking about asking the Lord for forgiveness; that’s something I’ve practiced enough times that I’ve got it down pretty well.  I’m talking about asking another person for forgiveness.

Brandon Heath’s song “I’m Not Who I Was” speaks to me every single time I hear it.  This song so perfectly illustrates a letter that I’ve written over and over in my mind but never on paper.  Why is it that I cannot seem to write this letter and send it to the people from whom I need to ask forgiveness?  The fears that creep in are Satan’s stronghold in this situation.

“What if they don’t forgive me?” 

“What if they don’t care or don’t even remember?”

“What if they never respond? Will I ever find closure?”

I’m Not Who I Was!

How I’ve longed to reach these people and say, “I’m not who I was!” Why is it so important to me to reach out to these people? Why should their opinion of who I was, or who I am now, matter?  Matthew 5:23-24 says:

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has  something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar.  First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” (NIV)

If I think that my fellow brother or sister in Christ harbors something against me because I have wronged them in some way, how can I come to the altar with a clean heart?  I must go to them and ask for forgiveness.My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen

Create in Me…

Psalm 51:10 says, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” (NIV)

I remember singing that song as a child, “Create in me a clean heart, oh God, and renew a right spirit within me.  And cast me not away from Your presence, oh Lord, and take not Your Holy Spirit from me.  Restore unto me, the joy of Thy salvation, and renew a right spirit within me.”

Dealing with Regret by Asking Forgiveness

Knowing these words from the Lord, how can I continue on without asking forgiveness?  It would not be right for me to live as though I’ve done no wrong, when I know in my heart that forgiveness needs to be sought.  I will have to prayerfully consider my words as I sit down to write this long overdue letter.  I’m sure all the familiar anxiety, regret, and bitterness of the situation will creep in as I undertake this task to heal a long-festering wound; even so, I will dwell on the Psalms as I make things right.It would not be right for me to live as though I’ve done no wrong, when I know in my heart that forgiveness needs to be sought.

Has the Lord placed someone on your heart from whom you need to seek forgiveness?  
Have you ever sought forgiveness from someone who was placed on your heart?  What was the outcome?

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