I look on, my gaze resting on her smiling face. She reaches her hand for the stem before her and gently plucks it, her smiling eyes turning around to meet mine. I have watched her harvest the dandelions of the field on many occasions, but this time was different. Like iron lead, so was the lump that I found resting in my throat. I worked to etch the soft tendrils framing her face full of wonder and glee, this moment, I wanted to freeze in my mind. I listened even closer to the sound of her giggle, burning its melody into my memory. The escalator of time that she was standing on was weighing heavy on me. I watched her blow the seeds into the wind. I drop another memory into my motherhood time-capsule. The words are swishing around in my heart, “The days are long, but the years are short”. The sunlight dances on her hair; and I ask for not a moment to be wasted.
Before the bloom
These are the years where the soft buds of our children are forming. We only have so long, or rather so little time, before the blossom appears. If we are not careful, the blossom will have taken place and left us missing out on the joy and wonder of the bloom. A blossom never returns to the bud, time does not allow for such wishes.
The days of growth are crucial – they are the slow days of tending. If we are so focused on the task, we miss the joy of who it is we are caring. Sometimes we look so forward to seeing the blossom, that we forget about the wonder of the bud in-waiting. Tending the tender buds, guarding for the day of its blossom – it is a task of patience, resilience, and attentiveness. But then the bloom… and the years of attending the bud are but a memory. While the blossom will be beautiful and we will love its new season of growth, I imagine there will be an ache in the remembrance of caring for the bud.
So, as the laughter flows, let us give thanks for the years before the bloom. In the stormy seasons, let us ask for wisdom where we have to guard and tend buds carefully. When joy falls like rain, let us tuck away those memories and store them for when seasons of drought come along.
The years before the bloom are hard, but they are also glorious.
Capturing moments
As we sit here, let us remember the gift of time-present. Laundry will eventually lessen, the messes will gradually stop showing up in various spaces of our home, and sleep will find its way back to us again. But what we have right now…we will never be able to recapture. It happens and it is over, just like that. The winds of change blowing through can not be sucked back in and held.
We cannot pretend that everyday will be perfect. But we can pray for every day to be captured for God’s glory and our good. We can begin by asking for a shift in our mindset and attitude. Let us be the ones who take the little time we have with our children and cultivate it well. The time-capsule of motherhood is before us, may we fill it well.
Ideas to nourish time with your children
Spending time in God’s Word together.
This is about enjoying God with your children. We can easily turn this into a lesson for them or we may approach this dryly…Enter into this time with reverence and awe. Point to the holiness of God and His goodness. Be in wonder of Him ALONG with your children. Make this time about worshiping Him.
A time set aside that is device-free. No phones, tablets, or screens of any kind. Be present with each other. Laugh together. Enjoy conversation with each other.
Read books together
Read-Aloud Revival is a great resource for how to begin and book suggestions.
Start a new hobby together
Learn how to – knit, draw, cook, bake, build, etc. Let this be a group effort
Starting some of these things (or all of them) might be difficult, but it will be worth it. Don’t waste away the years. Hold on to them and may your time spent in them be rich and beautiful.
I am a recovering Army brat who loves to travel and start new adventures. My handsome husband and I met at Oklahoma Christian University and he whisked me away to Kansas. So, I bought some ruby red high heels and made Topeka my home. I have a rough and rowdy Princess 4-year-old girl, amazing twin boys (almost 3) and a newborn baby girl who all make every day an adventure. We are grateful to be part of an amazing church in Topeka who regularly challenges and encourages our whole family. I have been both a full-time working mom and a stay-at-home-mom and/or both at the same time at one point or another. I am constantly seeking God’s wisdom on “balancing it all” and following His plan for my life, not mine.
These are perhaps two of the most difficult concepts to grasp as a mother. The glass of wine…well that’s just well deserved.
Becoming a mother opens a whole new realm of inner struggles and identity searching. Let’s face it, I’ve prayed for patience, wisdom and strength more in one hour today than I ever did before kids.
When I read this article, I was a new stay at home mom and I felt alone.
Alone and burdened; inadequate and overwhelmed. The struggle surrounding the self-created isolation was real. I don’t know if the author of the article is a Christian, but the longing for a daily fellowship or cohesive community rang true to my soul.
And then I remembered I had that available to me in spades.
At least I should…within the body of Christ; fellow believers and fellow moms in all stages and situations raising their children to love the Lord. Truly, this is the fellowship we crave isn’t it?!
Psalm 133:1-3 (ESV) says:
Behold, how good and pleasant it is
when brothers dwell in unity! 2 It is like the precious oil on the head,
running down on the beard,
on the beard of Aaron,
running down on the collar of his robes! 3 It is like the dew of Hermon,
which falls on the mountains of Zion!
For there the Lord has commanded the blessing,
life forevermore.
How good it is when we dwell in unity, it is like precious oil on the head.
My heart swells when I read those verses and think about my relationships with other Christians, most especially my “mommy friends”. Sadly, our culture and society has pitted us “mommies” against one another for various reasons and “atrocities” we commit in our life choices. Stay at home moms vs. working moms, moms of one vs. moms of twelve, moms of _______ vs. the world.
We all struggle.
Whether we work full time, stay at home or anything else in between, I believe we all continue struggle with feeling alone in our choice, like a lone warrior on a quest for well-adjusted children. The pride that often rears its ugly head in motherhood sometimes fosters a defensive or competitive spirit even in the most subtle of ways, or even insecurity because we are guilty of not giving each other grace. It’s even harder to give ourselves grace. Then we feel discontentment.
1 Peter 4:10 (ESV) says: 10 As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace:
All of our lives look as unique as the people Christ created us to be even before we were knit together in our own mother’s womb. As women of God, we should have an abundance of grace for other moms. We are called to love one another and many times, that looks like grace. It is so much easier to have grace for others when our heart is right with the Lord.
Sometimes it’s hard though…
sometimes we are angry about our own situation, or at the very least disillusioned as to what life or motherhood was supposed to look or feel like. Sometimes we feel displaced or overwhelmed, inadequate, or just plain exhausted. Sometimes it seems easier to run away. During these is when we need to remember Galatians 6:2 (ESV):
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
Everyone struggles with contentment.
I am convinced that every mother, no matter what her situation, struggles with contentment in her “version” of motherhood. For me, I struggled with it the most after I had my first child. I found myself in a situation where I wanted to stay home but couldn’t (which hurt), but at the same time I struggled with loving my career and knowing that God had called me to do certain things outside the home. Then after my twins, I struggled with a calling to stay home with my kids in this season. I have been completely double minded, living on opposite spectrums of “my heart’s desire” searching for how to follow Christ’s will for my life. It seemed endless. Truly, the double mindedness of our own human hearts is at the center of the “mommy wars”.
You know what finally helped me find contentment and grace?
That community I mentioned. The body of Christ. Sisters in faith who listened, who mentored and who pointed me to God’s Word. A community of believers who challenged me in my double minded thinking, but also challenged me to understand that God’s will in an individual’s life is ultimately between that person and their Father.
I want to encourage women who feel isolated or discontent, or struggle with grace, to find a fellow believer in Christ as a prayer partner to hold you accountable for spending time in the Word and seeking Christ. I encourage you to be intentional in finding a mentor, an older sister in Christ who lives out Titus 2 and will teach you. These women can dwell with you in unity, they can bear your burdens and give you grace all while pointing you toward Christ and being a godly mom.
The important things to do.
That’s the most important thing: that we are purposing to grow in our relationship with Christ and disciple our children. Christian women in every stage of life and in every situation are striving toward that same chief end.
I pray that you find community, even here, and for you to know that you are not alone and that other women know exactly how you feel. Have grace on other moms, don’t let your pride, discontentment or defensiveness in your own life cause you to break fellowship with sisters in Christ or keep you from having a blessed friendship.
Finally, go have that glass of wine with a fellow sister or two. Or tea, or coffee. Or chocolate. Just build a deep community of faith in Christ, have grace for one another and be content in your season of life.
Romans 8:28 (ESV): And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,for those who are called according to his purpose.
Have you ever struggled with being discontent with your life ? What helped you overcome that feeling?
Hello. I grew up traveling the world as a military brat. I ultimately felt God's pull to Oklahoma Christian University where I met my husband. We now have 3 beautiful children and have settled in Mustang, Oklahoma.I am a homeschooling mom and with 3 kiddos it is a full time job! I am daily encouraged by God's great patience and grace in my life. In my free time I enjoy reading and crafting.
Have you ever noticed how we search for common ground when we’re talking to people? A mother at the park engages you in a conversation about your child because they too have a daredevil. An elderly gentleman in the grocery store chuckles as you juggle three children and reminisces about his last visit with his grandchildren. A neighbor strikes up a conversation about the neighborhood park. We are comfortable with others when we can find something shared.
Making & Maintaining Friendships
Obviously, shared experiences are important to a friendship. I’d even venture to say that shared experiences are a base for which many friendships are built upon. So why is it that we as mothers sometimes struggle to find or maintain friendships? With approximately 85.4 million other mothers in the United States alone, how could it be that maintaining a good solid friendship is so hard?
I’ll break down some of the obvious answers:
You’re constantly chasing after smaller, sometimes faster little people.
You had time for a shower sometime in the last 4 days, but not much else.
You’re trying to make time for the baby’s checkup, your 6 year old’s request for a game of battleship and the fact that your poor middle child still can’t count to 20 properly.
You’re taking up a lot of brain space trying to sort out the essential oil wars and the vaccine debate and so many other qualifications that might label you as a “good” mother.
You can’t quite remember why you started this list so you’ll put it on the once organized cork board with your 50 other lists.
It becomes apparent that as mothers we have a lot going on!
How much easier is it to log onto Facebook and take a quick cruise through your news feed to see what everyone is up to than it is to actually send a text or make a call? I’ll tell you one thing that I see; Facebook doesn’t mind interruptions. Did the baby have a super explosion that requires a full change of clothing, bed sheets and a bath? Did you spot your son in the backyard tossing a chicken in the air to see if it could fly? Is your 4 year old yelling “Can someone come wipe me?!?” at the top of her lungs? Facebook. Doesn’t. Care. Facebook will wait while you change the baby and start the laundry. Facebook will wait while you have a heart to heart about treating God’s creatures with respect. Facebook will wait while you scour a tiny bottom.
You want to know something else I’ve learned through my long journey of struggling to be a good friend?
A good friend doesn’t care.
A good friend will stay on the line and laugh with you as you change and bathe a poo covered baby.
A good friend will agree to a return call when you need to have a heart to heart.
A good friend won’t mind being set on a counter listening to bathroom noises.
The Do’s & Don’ts of Maintaining Friendships
One thing we have to stop doing as mothers is we have to stop telling ourselves that we are too busy to do something that is good for us.
We DO have 20 minutes for a quick chat with a friend. Our kids need to learn patience and respect anyway.
We DO have 30 seconds to shoot off a “how is your week going” text to a friend. Do it while the oatmeal is cooking.
We DO have time to grab a coffee sometime in the next two weeks. It’s only $4 and an hour or two. Daddy, Grandma or a teen from church can handle the munchkins.
Mommas, we have to quit denying ourselves the friendships that can help strengthen us as women and mothers.
We have to quit denying old friends of our time.
Log off of Facebook and make that call.
Make the baby’s appointment and then send a quick text.
If nothing else, write down the people you’re thinking of throughout the day and then send an email or a private Facebook message when you finally get around to it at 11:30 at night.
There are never too many times to let someone know you care.
God knows the longings of our hearts. It doesn’t matter if you’re the type of person who loves to have a huge group of friends or if you prefer a handful of close friends. God knows. He has placed these people in your life for a reason. He wants you to foster a deep and loving connection with other children of God.
Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Do you find that you struggle to keep up with friends since becoming a mother?
How do you keep up a strong bond with friends during the busy seasons of motherhood?
Wife, mom, daughter, teacher, blogger, crafter, organizer - but most and best of all, I am a Christian. I am passionate about my family and my God. I am married to my best friend and am blessed with a one year old son who keeps me busy all the time staying at home with him. And I am glad to be in the service of our incredible and awesome God.
I have been immensely blessed in my life with several older moms who have shared their wisdom, experience, and humor with me. They have done so with grace, with understanding, and with much love. They help keep me grounded and they help keep me going, even when it seems I will be swallowed by dishes, dirty laundry, and discipline!
I asked several of them the practical “how-to” of putting together a quiet bag for little ones. The following is a compilation of their wisdom and one or two ideas of mine:
The Quiet Bag
Do only put quiet items in there. (The noise-making trucks and dolls that cry are mesmerizing to kids, but are like your cell phone ringing–they only ever make noise during the quietest point of worship!)
Do switch it out monthly. (Everyone gets bored with the same stuff.)
Do store it in a place where your child can’t play with it during the week. (That way, by Sunday, those items are “new” and therefore more exciting.)
Do try to wait to open it till the sermon(or perhaps the Lord’s Supper. When my little guy was younger, I would have a special book and fun jewelry for him to look at during the Lord’s Supper and then would open his special quiet bag during the sermon). Don’t waste your bag of tricks until you really need it!
If your child has a snack mid-morning, do include a snack in your quiet bag! Just make sure that it is easy to clean up. There WILL be spills. Often on yourself.
Try to include things that are church- or God-oriented if you can. (This doesn’t always work, but if you have some Bible board books, it is great to get your little one thinking about Godly things and associating God with worship time!)
Do have everything prepared BEFORE Sunday morning. That saves your sanity as well as your time. Somehow, Sunday mornings don’t seem to have as much time in them as other days of the week!
Don’t feel bad if your kid doesn’t like what you put in there! He/she is a person too, with their own likes and dislikes. Just switch out the items for something they enjoy more.
Items you could include in your quiet bag
Coloring book and crayons
Stickers and notepad
Fake wallet (It may be unwise to hand them your actual driver’s license and debit card!)
Books
Soft toys/stuffed animals
Lacing cards
Mirrors
Jewelry
Snacks
Aquadoodle
EtchaSketch
Puzzles
Items that button, zip, or snap (an old wallet, old Bible cover, etc.)
What would you add? God bless you and your littles as you train them to know and worship God!
Hello. I grew up traveling the world as a military brat. I ultimately felt God's pull to Oklahoma Christian University where I met my husband. We now have 3 beautiful children and have settled in Mustang, Oklahoma.I am a homeschooling mom and with 3 kiddos it is a full time job! I am daily encouraged by God's great patience and grace in my life. In my free time I enjoy reading and crafting.
Recently,a close friend challenged me with her words. She was talking about her children and what each one had chosen to do with their lives. My friend was recounting a discussion with her youngest son about his future. She was trying to emphasize to him the importance of his role in the kingdom of God. In the same breath of sharing how she was encouraging him to go out and do great things in the name of Christ, she mentioned that her daughter and son-in-law decided they were never going to leave their home state to go out and do something great for the kingdom. It was like she was saying in order to do great things for the kingdom you have to go away to a new place.
Am I Doing My Part?
This really got me thinking and praying about whether I was doing my part for the kingdom of God. As a humble, stay at home, homeschoolingmother of three, I asked myself, “Am I inhibited from doing great things for the kingdom of God?” I thought she must be right. How can I be doing great things for the kingdom when every waking moment I have is spent wiping noses and bottoms, finding cups and bottles and snacks, trying to squeeze in phonics and reading, and on and on and on? What was the question again? Oh yeah, am I doing great things for the kingdom of God? Where in the world would I find the time to do anything else? Especially something great?
My mind ran through all of the normal arguments.
If I raise three children who all go out and do great things for the kingdom, that must count as me doing three great things, right?
It’s not like my life is only in the here and now.
Someday, the children will be grown and I’ll have all the time in the world to do something.
As I contemplated these things, the Lord quieted my soul, as He so often does.I began to think about the people in the Bible whom God has used right where they are. He did not alwayscall them on a great adventure. He did not alwaysask them to move across the nations. Rather, He simply USED them. In Joshua 2,we see Rahab, a prostitute, being used in God’s plan. In 1 Peter 4:10, we hear these words of encouragement:
“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.”
Like a balm for my soul! Has God called me to leave my family and go evangelize to the world? Certainly not. Has God put me exactly where He wants me, to use my own gifts as a faithful steward? Definitely. So often as women we fall victim to feeling like we aren’t doing enough.
God Will Use You Right Where You Are
We spend day in and day out giving everything to maintain our marriages and meet the needs of the little hearts God has given to us to raise. At times, we may feel so bogged down by our daily responsibilities that we can’t even think about our place in God’s plan. Believe me when I say that God sees you where you are and He knows you. He can use you! Nothing is impossible for God.
Have you ever felt like you aren’t doing enough for the kingdom?
How do you handle your doubts and fears about your place in God’s plan?
