Hello. I grew up traveling the world as a military brat. I ultimately felt God's pull to Oklahoma Christian University where I met my husband. We now have 3 beautiful children and have settled in Mustang, Oklahoma.I am a homeschooling mom and with 3 kiddos it is a full time job! I am daily encouraged by God's great patience and grace in my life. In my free time I enjoy reading and crafting.
Lately I’ve been going through some challenges. You know, growing older, raising children, constantly questioning my decisions, etc. I understand that trials will be part of this life and that through those trials You teach us valuable lessons. But sometimes I have small doubts about Your timing. Sometimes, in my humble human brain I can’t piece together the exact reasoning You have about some of the things that happen in my life.
You’ve definitely proven to me over and over again that I am not in control of this life.
I always thought that I would have a career that fulfilled me, and You brought me together with a man with very different ideas. I always thought I’d stay home with my kids until they went to school and then I’d find a job. Then You brought me into homeschooling. I had decided that three children were plenty, and now You’ve gifted me a fourth. It is quite obvious that You are in control.
As I’ve grown older and grown in the word, I’ve slowly but surely been able to release my grasp on control; not for Your good but for my own. As I’ve let go, I’ve gained such a feeling of contentment. As I’ve let go, I’ve gained a freedom that I’ve never known before. As I’ve let go, I’ve made time for other things that actually are my responsibility.
However, Lord, You still find ways to remind me to trust You.
You find ways to send me messages like, “Your day will go smoother if you’d start it with Me,” or “Take care of your children, your husband, AND yourself.” The latter seems like a long hard road that we’re now traveling down. Years of neglecting myself has finally caught up with me and I have been physically forced to slow down.
However, Your goodness and love never fails me.
You placed people in my life to support me during this time: friends to bring meals and clean my kitchen, grandparents to watch the kids, and an amazingly compassionate husband to understand. And through the rest, You revealed to me just how much I’d been neglecting myself.
I can’t help but wonder though, if You’re really sure You know what You’re doing?
I mean, through the pain and discussion of back surgery You brought into my womb a beautiful new life. How wonderful! But why now? Why, when I was on a dangerous medication? Why, when my baby was just barely 10 months old? Why, when our house is already nearly stretched to its limit?
Please don’t misunderstand.
I am incredibly grateful for this beautiful blessing. I’ve seen the pain of a barren womb and I thank You for this miracle inside of me. But Lord, was this really the best time? Proverbs 3:5-6 says:
Obviously, I haven’t given up as much control as I thought.
If I had, I wouldn’t be questioning Your perfect timing. I remember in those first days when I was in such pain that there was no sleep, no rest for my mind, body, or soul. In those days I remember asking You fervently to reveal the lesson that You had for me in this trial. As the pain lessened and I found my new normal, that plea slowly faded away.
I know that You aren’t done with me yet, and for that I’m grateful.
Perhaps You intend to teach me patience. Perhaps it’s more about putting my faith in You and not in the hands of any surgeon. Perhaps it’s about bringing glory to You in my time of weakness. I have yet to discover Your perfect plan through all of this Lord, but I know that I can trust in You. Through my struggles and my failures, You’ve always been by my side. Please forgive me for questioning Your perfect plan and open my eyes to the many lessons I have yet to learn. Thank you for Your goodness and Your love.
Wife, mom, daughter, teacher, blogger, crafter, organizer - but most and best of all, I am a Christian. I am passionate about my family and my God. I am married to my best friend and am blessed with a one year old son who keeps me busy all the time staying at home with him. And I am glad to be in the service of our incredible and awesome God.
Hello. I grew up traveling the world as a military brat. I ultimately felt God's pull to Oklahoma Christian University where I met my husband. We now have 3 beautiful children and have settled in Mustang, Oklahoma.I am a homeschooling mom and with 3 kiddos it is a full time job! I am daily encouraged by God's great patience and grace in my life. In my free time I enjoy reading and crafting.
Recently,a close friend challenged me with her words. She was talking about her children and what each one had chosen to do with their lives. My friend was recounting a discussion with her youngest son about his future. She was trying to emphasize to him the importance of his role in the kingdom of God. In the same breath of sharing how she was encouraging him to go out and do great things in the name of Christ, she mentioned that her daughter and son-in-law decided they were never going to leave their home state to go out and do something great for the kingdom. It was like she was saying in order to do great things for the kingdom you have to go away to a new place.
Am I Doing My Part?
This really got me thinking and praying about whether I was doing my part for the kingdom of God. As a humble, stay at home, homeschoolingmother of three, I asked myself, “Am I inhibited from doing great things for the kingdom of God?” I thought she must be right. How can I be doing great things for the kingdom when every waking moment I have is spent wiping noses and bottoms, finding cups and bottles and snacks, trying to squeeze in phonics and reading, and on and on and on? What was the question again? Oh yeah, am I doing great things for the kingdom of God? Where in the world would I find the time to do anything else? Especially something great?
My mind ran through all of the normal arguments.
If I raise three children who all go out and do great things for the kingdom, that must count as me doing three great things, right?
It’s not like my life is only in the here and now.
Someday, the children will be grown and I’ll have all the time in the world to do something.
As I contemplated these things, the Lord quieted my soul, as He so often does.I began to think about the people in the Bible whom God has used right where they are. He did not alwayscall them on a great adventure. He did not alwaysask them to move across the nations. Rather, He simply USED them. In Joshua 2,we see Rahab, a prostitute, being used in God’s plan. In 1 Peter 4:10, we hear these words of encouragement:
“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.”
Like a balm for my soul! Has God called me to leave my family and go evangelize to the world? Certainly not. Has God put me exactly where He wants me, to use my own gifts as a faithful steward? Definitely. So often as women we fall victim to feeling like we aren’t doing enough.
God Will Use You Right Where You Are
We spend day in and day out giving everything to maintain our marriages and meet the needs of the little hearts God has given to us to raise. At times, we may feel so bogged down by our daily responsibilities that we can’t even think about our place in God’s plan. Believe me when I say that God sees you where you are and He knows you. He can use you! Nothing is impossible for God.
Have you ever felt like you aren’t doing enough for the kingdom?
How do you handle your doubts and fears about your place in God’s plan?
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