I look on, my gaze resting on her smiling face. She reaches her hand for the stem before her and gently plucks it, her smiling eyes turning around to meet mine. I have watched her harvest the dandelions of the field on many occasions, but this time was different. Like iron lead, so was the lump that I found resting in my throat. I worked to etch the soft tendrils framing her face full of wonder and glee, this moment, I wanted to freeze in my mind. I listened even closer to the sound of her giggle, burning its melody into my memory. The escalator of time that she was standing on was weighing heavy on me. I watched her blow the seeds into the wind. I drop another memory into my motherhood time-capsule. The words are swishing around in my heart, “The days are long, but the years are short”. The sunlight dances on her hair; and I ask for not a moment to be wasted.
Before the bloom
These are the years where the soft buds of our children are forming. We only have so long, or rather so little time, before the blossom appears. If we are not careful, the blossom will have taken place and left us missing out on the joy and wonder of the bloom. A blossom never returns to the bud, time does not allow for such wishes.
The days of growth are crucial – they are the slow days of tending. If we are so focused on the task, we miss the joy of who it is we are caring. Sometimes we look so forward to seeing the blossom, that we forget about the wonder of the bud in-waiting. Tending the tender buds, guarding for the day of its blossom – it is a task of patience, resilience, and attentiveness. But then the bloom… and the years of attending the bud are but a memory. While the blossom will be beautiful and we will love its new season of growth, I imagine there will be an ache in the remembrance of caring for the bud.
So, as the laughter flows, let us give thanks for the years before the bloom. In the stormy seasons, let us ask for wisdom where we have to guard and tend buds carefully. When joy falls like rain, let us tuck away those memories and store them for when seasons of drought come along.
The years before the bloom are hard, but they are also glorious.
Capturing moments
As we sit here, let us remember the gift of time-present. Laundry will eventually lessen, the messes will gradually stop showing up in various spaces of our home, and sleep will find its way back to us again. But what we have right now…we will never be able to recapture. It happens and it is over, just like that. The winds of change blowing through can not be sucked back in and held.
We cannot pretend that everyday will be perfect. But we can pray for every day to be captured for God’s glory and our good. We can begin by asking for a shift in our mindset and attitude. Let us be the ones who take the little time we have with our children and cultivate it well. The time-capsule of motherhood is before us, may we fill it well.
Ideas to nourish time with your children
Spending time in God’s Word together.
This is about enjoying God with your children. We can easily turn this into a lesson for them or we may approach this dryly…Enter into this time with reverence and awe. Point to the holiness of God and His goodness. Be in wonder of Him ALONG with your children. Make this time about worshiping Him.
A time set aside that is device-free. No phones, tablets, or screens of any kind. Be present with each other. Laugh together. Enjoy conversation with each other.
Read books together
Read-Aloud Revival is a great resource for how to begin and book suggestions.
Start a new hobby together
Learn how to – knit, draw, cook, bake, build, etc. Let this be a group effort
Starting some of these things (or all of them) might be difficult, but it will be worth it. Don’t waste away the years. Hold on to them and may your time spent in them be rich and beautiful.
Hello. I grew up traveling the world as a military brat. I ultimately felt God's pull to Oklahoma Christian University where I met my husband. We now have 3 beautiful children and have settled in Mustang, Oklahoma.I am a homeschooling mom and with 3 kiddos it is a full time job! I am daily encouraged by God's great patience and grace in my life. In my free time I enjoy reading and crafting.
Lately I’ve been going through some challenges. You know, growing older, raising children, constantly questioning my decisions, etc. I understand that trials will be part of this life and that through those trials You teach us valuable lessons. But sometimes I have small doubts about Your timing. Sometimes, in my humble human brain I can’t piece together the exact reasoning You have about some of the things that happen in my life.
You’ve definitely proven to me over and over again that I am not in control of this life.
I always thought that I would have a career that fulfilled me, and You brought me together with a man with very different ideas. I always thought I’d stay home with my kids until they went to school and then I’d find a job. Then You brought me into homeschooling. I had decided that three children were plenty, and now You’ve gifted me a fourth. It is quite obvious that You are in control.
As I’ve grown older and grown in the word, I’ve slowly but surely been able to release my grasp on control; not for Your good but for my own. As I’ve let go, I’ve gained such a feeling of contentment. As I’ve let go, I’ve gained a freedom that I’ve never known before. As I’ve let go, I’ve made time for other things that actually are my responsibility.
However, Lord, You still find ways to remind me to trust You.
You find ways to send me messages like, “Your day will go smoother if you’d start it with Me,” or “Take care of your children, your husband, AND yourself.” The latter seems like a long hard road that we’re now traveling down. Years of neglecting myself has finally caught up with me and I have been physically forced to slow down.
However, Your goodness and love never fails me.
You placed people in my life to support me during this time: friends to bring meals and clean my kitchen, grandparents to watch the kids, and an amazingly compassionate husband to understand. And through the rest, You revealed to me just how much I’d been neglecting myself.
I can’t help but wonder though, if You’re really sure You know what You’re doing?
I mean, through the pain and discussion of back surgery You brought into my womb a beautiful new life. How wonderful! But why now? Why, when I was on a dangerous medication? Why, when my baby was just barely 10 months old? Why, when our house is already nearly stretched to its limit?
Please don’t misunderstand.
I am incredibly grateful for this beautiful blessing. I’ve seen the pain of a barren womb and I thank You for this miracle inside of me. But Lord, was this really the best time? Proverbs 3:5-6 says:
Obviously, I haven’t given up as much control as I thought.
If I had, I wouldn’t be questioning Your perfect timing. I remember in those first days when I was in such pain that there was no sleep, no rest for my mind, body, or soul. In those days I remember asking You fervently to reveal the lesson that You had for me in this trial. As the pain lessened and I found my new normal, that plea slowly faded away.
I know that You aren’t done with me yet, and for that I’m grateful.
Perhaps You intend to teach me patience. Perhaps it’s more about putting my faith in You and not in the hands of any surgeon. Perhaps it’s about bringing glory to You in my time of weakness. I have yet to discover Your perfect plan through all of this Lord, but I know that I can trust in You. Through my struggles and my failures, You’ve always been by my side. Please forgive me for questioning Your perfect plan and open my eyes to the many lessons I have yet to learn. Thank you for Your goodness and Your love.
Hello. I grew up traveling the world as a military brat. I ultimately felt God's pull to Oklahoma Christian University where I met my husband. We now have 3 beautiful children and have settled in Mustang, Oklahoma.I am a homeschooling mom and with 3 kiddos it is a full time job! I am daily encouraged by God's great patience and grace in my life. In my free time I enjoy reading and crafting.
It’s 3:30 P.M. and I am DONE with this day. How in the world will I make it until Dad gets home? The baby just won’t take an afternoon nap anymore, which of course means she will be incredibly cranky by 6:00, but that’s far too early for bedtime. The big kids are in quiet time, but somehow I can still hear every single thing they do or say. My quiet time is obviously nonexistent since the baby has decided not to nap. Instead I’ll have a snack that I have to share. Did I mention I am thirty weeks pregnant with my fourth child? Or that I home school, so I am solely responsible for the needs of all of my children all day long?
OK, the baby is playing and reading books happily, I’ll get something to drink and catch up on Facebook happenings and my email. Then I realize I’d better be sure I have everything I need to make dinner. Speaking of dinner, what time will Dad be home tonight? I’d better text him to find out.
Me: Hey, how’s your day going? Him: Blah. Me: I’m sorry. Working late? Him: I won’t be early.
Great. Another late night. Another night that my duties just don’t end. It’s ok. Deep breath. Be thankful he has a good job that pays all the bills.
This is the moment my peace begins to crumble.
The big kids get done with quiet time and the battle to clean up their rooms begins. Everyone is bickering or distracted. Everyone is hungry and tired of each other. Here’s the thing: I know what to do in these situations, right? I mean, I have a degree in child development. I have an arsenal of clean-up songs and games and quick activities that can give us all a break. Except all of those things are lost in my pregnant brain…OK, prayer, right? I can say a prayer; read a verse; have a breath of fresh encouragement to pull from. Except who can say a prayer or read the scriptures when there’s a screaming banshee baby attached to my legs?
I’ll stop there. As you can see this scenario is set up for defeat. Mom is over-tired, over-worked, under-encouraged, and too pregnant! Obviously not every day goes like this. Some days the baby will nap, or Dad does come home on time. Occasionally, everyone can manage to get along. Some days. But some days are just hard. And in that moment, a mother can really start to spiral downward. Especially when there is no one else there to provide back-up, relief, or just run interference for a while. Single moms. Moms of overworked husbands. Working moms! Any mom can find herself here.
But take heart, Momma! There is hope.
Here are some verses I have found helpful and will be referring back to during these particularly turbulent days.
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
Oh my goodness, yes! Isn’t it funny how the children’s fighting and the baby’s crying and the mother’s exhaustion can be so symbolically perfect with this verse? It can so easily feel like the earth is giving way and the mountains are falling into the sea. This verse is a soothing balm to my soul because I know the Lord is my refuge during these times. He is a safe place for me to rest, if only for a moment!
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Step 3. Do not fear. God will strengthen you and help you. He has not left you or forgotten you. You are important to Him!
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Step 4. You have peace. After approaching God and casting your cares on Him, He will give you strength and peace to endure. Praise the Lord for His promises!
I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Step 5. Keep your eyes upon the Lord. I frequently struggle with this step. If I were able to keep a proper perspective in the beginning, I would not be so easily overwhelmed. However, we know that the flesh is weak but in God we can be made strong!
Encouragement on the Motherhood Journey
I hope that these verses can be an encouragement to you like they are to me. I find myself dealing with an easily overwhelmed spirit as I enter the end of a pregnancy and exhaustion creeps in. These verses are a great help to me in those times. I hope these can be a help in whatever trials you find yourself struggling through during your motherhood journey.
What are some ways that you find renewal during the particularly tough days of motherhood?
What encouraging words would you give to yourself or another struggling mother during the hard times?
Hi! Born in the great state of Texas and raised in the northern suburbs of Atlanta, this Daughter of the Alamo/Georgia Peach is still adjusting to life in Razorback Nation! My husband and I live just outside of Little Rock, Arkansas with our two toddlers and two crazy pups. I’m a small business owner, chocolate aficionado, and travel lover with a 2pm coffee hour no matter what time zone I’m in!
Do you ever have days with a great perspective? Where you think to yourself, “I am Superwoman! My toddler ate kale, spinach, and all the healthy things today! She took a three-hour nap! I cleaned the entire house and had dinner made before my husband came home! I had my quiet time with God, and did two loads of laundry. I. Am. Superwoman!!”
Cue the eyerolling or hysterical laughter.
Maybe that happens once in a blue moon, am I right?
…Or Maybe I’m Not Superwoman
But most days around my house, things don’t look quite so super. The fruit cup has been thrown all over the kitchen. My floor is only clean-ish because my two dogs lick up the toddler’s thrown food and a robot vacuum picks up the dogs’ ever-shedding fur. When naps aren’t as long as I need them to be, everything else seems to fall apart too. Clean house? Well, at least everything is off the floor at some point so the robot vacuum can do its thing. Sometimes things get moved from floor to bed and back again…several days in a row. Of course dinner gets on the table–it comes straight out of the crock-pot, or the freezer, or to-go boxes. Even though quiet time with God is even more necessary than coffee, often it does not happen. Laundry? Well, everyone has clean undies, so we’re good, right?
Today was totally one of those days.
And it was a Monday which made everything even more unpleasant.
Sometime between nap #1 and lunchtime, I FaceTimed my mom in pure desperation, distraught over the fact that my daughter’s main food groups seemed to be Cheerios, apple juice, and animal cookies. I felt horribly guilty about getting mad at her earlier for pulling my hair (her favorite pastime). And the house–oh, the house. I had turned off the robot vacuum mid-session because I just couldn’t deal with ALL THE NOISE anymore.
My mother in all her infinite, life-speaking wisdom addressed the food group issue first.
“Look at it week by week. If she gets what she needs each week, she’s good. And she is. You’re doing a good job. Just take it week by week.”
Week by week.
I’d heard that before. Way back during my nursing school days. All the doctors would say to me, “Just take it a week at a time. If you think much farther ahead than that, you’ll go crazy.”
So that was how I functioned. A week at a time.
Week by week. I can do that. I’ve done that. So I can do that now.
Perspective received.
When everything is crazy and feels like it’s out of your control, it’s so easy to loose perspective. To think that ALL your child is eating is Cheerios. To feel like you can’t get anything accomplished. To think your entire world exists solely within the walls of your home.
But how do you get perspective when it really does feel like your entire world exists within the walls of your home? (Stay-at-home and work-at-home ladies, I’m talking to you.) Or what if your entire world feels like your office and your job and your co-workers? (Career women, here’s your sign.) Or what if you’re in that in-between place where you’re still trying to figure everything out? (Single ladies post-college, there’s yours.)
How Do You Get Perspective?
How do you get perspective when everything seems so big? So out of your control? So hard?
Intentionally.
Yes, intentionally. Otherwise, the only perspective you’ll have is whatever you put in front of your eyes and ears. And “whatever” is exactly where the Enemy is lurking.
Whatever scrolls by on your Facebook, Instagram, or other social media outlet.
Whatever that model looks like on the TV commercial during Saturday’s afternoon football game.
Whatever the magazine headlines at the grocery store check-out line say.
Whatever the Enemy whispers to you as you wipe up another mess off the floor, squeeze into those tight jeans, or loose your cool behind the steering wheel.
“You’re not cut out for this.”
“You’re not skinny enough.”
“You don’t take good care of yourself.”
“You’re an emotional wreck.”
“Your house doesn’t look like the one in the Southern Living catalog.”
“You’re wasting your time.”
“You’ll never reach that goal.”
“He doesn’t think you’re important.”
“They don’t love you.”
HALT! Right there! Because that’s exactly where he wants to get you, and if you let him keep talking to you like that, he will.
It’s time to speak up and send him back to hell and get some perspective that isn’t his.
True perspective comes from knowing the Word. And in these days, friend, we need to know it a whole lot better than we do. Not only do we need to be speaking it to ourselves on an hourly basis, we need to be speaking it into our husbands and our children. It is our responsibility as wife and mother and sister and daughter to speak life into the home we find ourselves in.
Secondly, we have to cut out talk that is not life-affirming.
And y’all, this one might hurt a little. You might have to cut some actual people out of your day-to-day life to make this one happen. (For more on how and why to do this, read Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. If you haven’t read this book, click on over and order it off Amazon or iTunes.) Even if the person is someone you can’t cut out of your life, the Boundaries book will help you with that too.
This also might mean disconnecting from social media. Whether that means deactivating an account, unfollowing or unfriending specific people, or simply deleting the app from your phone, you are being fed perspective through these outlets. It needs to be life-affirming. If it isn’t, it needs to go. Same with television shows and the music you’re listening to. Start paying attention to what is actually going into your mind. If it isn’t positive, life-giving, or speaking the truth, cut it out.
Thirdly, find the life-speakers in your church.
Plug in with them. This can seem like a daunting assignment. Where to start? Where will that fit in with this busy schedule? What if I don’t like them? Or, what if they don’t like me??
Do you have a home church where you actually feel at home? I’ll betcha they have small groups. Look at your calendar, find three nights you have available, and find a small group whose schedule lines up with yours. Sign up and go. Commit to it for a semester. If you don’t click with that group, you can most likely switch to another one. And I am praying right now that you will find a new best friend in that small group–someone who will like you for all your quirks and preferences.
What if you don’t have a home church? Do you know someone with similar values to you who has a home church? Or someone who is transparent about his/her faith, and it lines up with yours or where you’d like for yours to be? If you ask them if you can go to church with them one Sunday, they will fall out of their shoes, and when they come to, they’ll say YES. Their church also probably has a small group you can plug into.
Finally, find a community group who will lift you up.
Now, this next suggestion is really going to blow your mind. It’s gonna sound like CRAZY talk, but you could also plug in somewhere other than your church. What? Find life-speakers elsewhere?! Yes. Don’t spill your coffee.
Bible Study Fellowship. MOPS. MOMSNext. Your local community center or library might even have support groups who meet for all kinds of different reasons. Do you like to quilt? Maybe they have a quilting club. Go check it out!
Personally, I find a lot of positivity, truth, and life-speak in my weekly Mary Kay training meeting. Feel free to tag along as a guest with someone who attends. Maybe you will feel as encouraged as I do!
Whatever kind of group you find, the key is it needs to be a life-speaking, truth-centered environment. That is what keeps our perspective where it needs to be.
Proper perspective tells you:
The world isn’t as dark and scary as the news suggests.
That perfect moms don’t exist. But good ones do, and you are a good one.
It’s 100% okay you let your children eat fast food three times this week.
Nice people are almost everywhere. Not everyone hates everyone who is different from them.
That you are cut out to do exactly what God has called you to do, whether that means you’re working four 12-hour shifts in a row this week, or you’re being deployed to the Middle East (or your husband is being deployed to the Middle East), or you’re getting a job promotion that you’re not 100% sure you’re qualified for. If God is calling you to it, you are.
You are enough.
The life-speakers who saturate themselves in the truth will remind you on your less-than-superwoman days that you are enough because Christ is in you. He is the rock, and His works are perfect. (Deuteronomy 32:4)
They are the ones who will remind you to take it a week at a time. To look at the big picture outside of the four walls of your house or your office space or this limbo phase you’re in.
It is the life-speakers who will pray for you, who will hold you accountable, and who will affirm you as you clean up the sweet potatoes off the floor after another attempt at a healthy lunch, drive another carpool to soccer practice after a long day at work, respect your husband, and go out for that 15th job interview.
Okay, so we’re not superwomen. But with the right perspective, we’ll realize that’s okay. We probably wouldn’t want to wear the same superhero outfit every day anyway, right? 😉
Originally from Texas, but now I claim Oklahoma with my awesome husband and adorable baby girl. I enjoy baking, crafting, reading, and a good cup of coffee.
I have always wondered what my funeral would be like. Of course, I won’t actually see it with my own eyes, but I still play a scenario of the experience in my head. I imagine that they will have a projector in the front of some church auditorium, and on the screen, they will be scrolling through my Facebook page and other social media.
“Look at how many people she friended during her lifetime.” or “This is the post that had the most likes while she was living,” they will say with heavy hearts.
Then they will move on to my Pinterest account. I picture my husband walking up to the front with a paper in hand.
“Megan had 64 Pinterest boards,” he will say with tears in his eyes. “And here are all of the crafts that she never got a chance to complete.”
This seems a little crazy, right? Why would this strange, made-up scenario from my weird imagination ever happen?
Reality Check
I guess this thought came upon me one day when I was on my phone. My daughter was playing happily by herself, and then she decided to crawl over and see what I was up to. She tried to get my attention while I was still in a trance…watching stories on Instagram. It took me a while to pull myself out of it. Then I thought to myself, “Why did that take so long?” How much time was there between my daughter crawling over to me and the time I ACTUALLY put my phone down? I was so upset at myself, and I decided that I needed a reality check.
The Bible says this in Matthew 6:19-21 (NASB):
19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal;21 for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Do I treasure my phone? No. I really don’t. This was the reality check that I needed. My phone is not a treasure, my daughter’s beautiful soul is.
Friend or Foe?
Something else that helped me with my reality check was to look at my social media as a tool. That’s really what it is. It’s something that is helpful in communicating with others. Putting together an event for multiple people? Done. Posting a picture of your daughter so that all of the grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. can see it all at once? You betcha. You signed up to make a dessert for potluck? Pinned it.
When we stop using social media as a tool, we start falling into an illusion. Believe it or not, social media is not reality. To answer my question above…friend or foe? It depends (everyone’s favorite answer). How will you use it? As a staple or a tool?
If you feel like you are constantly looking at your phone screen, or scrolling through on your computer too much, I want to challenge you to take a step back and look at where you are storing your treasure. Maybe you need to set a phone curfew for yourself (I’ve done it, that’s how deep I was), or maybe you need a detox day where you only use your phone if someone calls you (like the good ole days!). Just remember what your priorities are.
