acceptance Archives | Creating a Great Day

Accepting Myself, Gray Hair and All

by Toni D | Encouragement, Self Worth, Soul Nourishment

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Toni was born and raised in a small town in Oklahoma.She graduated from East Central University with a Bachelor's of Science Degree in Business Administration with a concentration in Economics.After college, she returned to her hometown to marry her best friend, Charles.Toni is a stay at home mom to their three teens, two boys and a girl, whom God led them to homeschool.Her goal is to raise her children to love and serve the Lord.They live on a farm where they grow produce to sell at several farmers markets.She also plays the piano at church and teaches piano.

Looking in the Mirror

If you have been reading my posts on health, you will remember the post about my anorexia. For most of my life, I have had problems with my body image. Over the last several years, as I gained a few pounds and gotten older, I looked less and less at myself in the mirror. I had a hard time accepting myself and my body’s appearance. I did not like what I saw, so I quit looking. Now, don’t get me wrong–I looked in the mirror to make sure I was dressed appropriately and to put on makeup and to fix my hair–but I didn’t LOOK in the mirror at myself.

As I was getting ready to shower the other morning, I saw myself in the mirror. I actually looked at myself. This time I did not see the fat, the stretch marks, the wrinkles, or the gray hair. Looking back at me was a forty-six year old woman who looks really good for her age and everything else she has been through. (I do not say that out of conceit.)

I had always seen just those imperfections, never my whole self.

I earned all these things through what I have been through in my life. The extra weight is a reminder that while I cared for my dying grandfather, I would fix meals and eat with him, then go home and eat a second dinner with my family. Two dinners every day with an occasional milkshake thrown in will put some weight on anyone. The stretch marks are a reminder that I carried and birthed three beautiful, wonderful children. When I was pregnant with my oldest child, I had complications and was on bed rest. Then I proceeded to retain fluid. The wrinkles are a reminder that I work outdoors on a farm side-by-side with my husband. The gray hair is–well, I don’t know what that is all about! Some say it is from stress. Some say it is a sign of wisdom. All I have to ask is, “Why?”

Accepting Myself

I eat rather healthy and take care of myself, mostly. Sure, I would like to lose a few pounds and I might color my hair sometime, but this is me. I am forty-six years old and I have accomplished and struggled through so much. Finally, I can accept my physical self.