This is a story about a single shocking moment that will change my life forever.
A moment of unbelief. A moment of hope. A moment of cautious excitement.
The moment of a positive home pregnancy test…
Take six years of marriage, 4+ years TTC (trying to conceive), then add numerous rupturing cysts, PCOS, endometriosis so pervasive that it had fused my colon and uterus together (which are not supposed to be attached), plus vaginitis, a miscarriage, and a host of other issues…
= EQUALS =
the recipe for “Kiss Any Dreams of Having Kids Goodbye.”
But God is faithful. God is healer. God is miraculous.
I could tell you of all the moments over those long years of torment that God gave me visions and spoke promises over us. The moments when dear friends would call to share a dream they had about our future (with children) or offer encouragement.
Those moments were vital in the hard times when negative voices would creep in: “You’re not worthy of parenting. That’s why you’ll never have kids. You’ll be barren forever” and on and on and on.
Until the moment I’d remember: none of that sounds like the voice of a loving Father–which means one thing. Satan, the Enemy, is prowling around me, seeking to kill my dreams, steal away my encouragement, destroy my hope.
God is Faithful.
But God is a faithful friend who reminded me of the vault full of His promises and encouragements.
Those aren’t the moments I want to talk about now.
The Moment of Realization.
Disbelief. Doubt. Uncertainty.
Am I dreaming?
Is this real?
The moment we’ve waited so long for is finally happening? God’s promise is actually being fulfilled?
God is healer.
God is the Creator of medicine and physicians. When I asked for His help, He responded by leading me to a doctor and tests and research.
I could talk about the moments the doctors discovered my deficiencies (extremely low progesterone, high estrogen, low in vitamins D, B and folate). Or the moments a thought came to mind of something specific to research, which I recognized as God’s way of leading me to a plethora of knowledge about my ailments, how to minimize them and their effects. I could go into great detail about the moment God led me to research diet and how it affects PCOS and endometriosis. The moment I learned I needed to get far, far away from soy – which appears in almost every packaged food, store-bought baked good, salad dressings, and vegan or vegetarian prepared meals. The moment I learned I needed to remove red meat from my menu. Or the moment I learned that the best diet to keep my suffering at bay is the diet of a Type 2 diabetic.
No more sweets – what?!?
Ok, THAT was a devastating moment, having to say farewell to the decadent three-layer chocolate cake. Until…God showed up again, prompting me to research the healing nature of all the herbs and plants He created. Such as spearmint – God designed spearmint in such a way that offsets the negative effects that too much sugar in a diabetic can cause!
You know what that means?! Hello, chocolate cake!
How awesome is that?! And He created yams and other plants to act as natural progesterone, balance hormones, melt away endometriosis, shrink cysts, and so many amazing things that only God could think of to put into a plant!
That was the moment my vigorous studies into herbs and essential oils began – and I became a believer and avid user of oils and all things homeopathic.
But those aren’t the moments I want to share this time.
Instead, I want to share the moment I realized:
Sometimes, God chooses to heal through education.
He has given us access to so many resources – if we ask Him where to look. There were many moments when I asked God to just heal me and make all this pain go away!
And then there was a moment when I asked God, “Help me find solutions–natural ways to heal and take care of myself. You are God, who created everything, who knows everything, who has access to anything! I know You have the power to make me well. You have full control. Is there anything I can do from the passenger seat?”
And so my journey began. Which led to a miracle.
God is miraculous.
The moment I want to share most of all is the moment I realized:
God loves to show us His miracles.
God reminded me that when something seems impossible, HE can make it possible.
While being obedient to the research and doctors God led me to was (is) important, that did not create a miracle.
The many moments of prayer offered by friends, family, even strangers from around the world did not weave a miracle.
I could claim that it’s because of all the things I did…such as the month before that moment I sat staring at those two pink lines on a stick, I increased my vitamin intake. I completely cut all soy from my life. I doubled my daily dose of progesterone. While that’s all great, it’s not the reason there’s a peanut growing inside me. (Nor is it because of a certain activity that took place on a particular camping trip!)
The truth is, God is miraculous. He led me to take positive action in caring for myself. He prompted the faithful action of believers as they lifted thousands of prayers to heaven over the last several years.
And HE wove together all the pieces, at all the right times, so that in THIS VERY MOMENT He is knitting together all the very complex parts of a little human.
Only God can do that. A faithful, healing, miraculous God!
Thank you, Father, for making this long dreamt-of moment a reality.
Insert Psalm 139:13-18 here.
This is just the beginning. 12 weeks and counting!
Any advice? Encouragement? Questions?
Want to share your similar experience or another ‘Say What?!’ moment?
(If you’re interested in any of the research I mentioned, or want to know more about herbs and oils, or want to learn more about who God is, I’d love to hear from you!)