As I sit here and type, I think about the conversation I’ve had with God today.
I recently found out I am pregnant. We were shocked, but our family is excited for this surprise. So far this pregnancy has been different from all the other four. I’ve never had morning sickness but a few times this go round I’ve been nauseated. My sniff radar is exponentially better than ever before. Those don’t concern me as much as the pain I’ve been having in my abdomen.
At my first consultation, I informed my caregiver of the pain. She stated we needed to do some blood work to rule out an ectopic pregnancy. I missed the call from the office but knew something was not quite right when I listened to the message. Instead of a cheerful voice telling me everything was fine, I heard a concerned voice asking me to call the office or her cell.
I broke into tears the moment the message ended. So many things flooded my mind. A feeling of loss was the first thing that overtook me. A loss for what might be and for all those I know who have actually suffered this loss.
Upon talking to my caregiver, I learned the blood work did not come back as they had hoped. That was the call I got today. Tomorrow morning we will be doing an ultrasound to verify what is actually going on.
I have cried on and off today, but the conversation I have had with God is bringing me to where I need to be.
Do Not Be Anxious About Tomorrow
He already knows what we will find out tomorrow. He knows what the future holds and I praise Him because He will be holding our family close.
No matter what happens tomorrow, I will still love Him.
No matter what happens tomorrow, I will still glorify Him.
I pray over this child that s/he sees the light of day, but if s/he doesn’t, then I will praise Him for her/him never having to suffer a day and knowing only God’s presence.
I am determined to not let the ‘what ifs’ take away my trust or take me to a place of fear and trembling. There is a fine line between concern, doing whatever I can to make sure this baby is okay, and realizing I only have control over so much. Although I feel like I have control over so little, I can control what I focus on today, this minute. And I choose to focus on my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. The maker of heaven and earth, the one who can call dry bones together, wrap them in tendons, muscles, and skin and breathe new life into their once dead bodies.
I believe in the power of this Christ. He very well can sustain life in the child growing inside me. And He very well can immediately provide an eternal life without pain.
Focus on the Lord
I choose to keep my eyes on the Lord, for with Him at my right hand I will not fall.
What I’ve learned throughout this crazy year is that the only thing I can depend on is our Lord.
I will not dwell on what might be tomorrow but will rejoice always, and with prayer and supplication (begging) lay down my request to the Lord and give thanks, knowing that He is God and I am not.
Lord, you are holy and worthy of praise. You above all know what tomorrow holds. Looking into the future I am like a blind man but you provide light for my path. You will guide us through whatever happens. Whether in joy or in grief, you will hold our hearts close. You will never leave us or forsake us. You have never promised that life on this earth would be easy or painless but did promise us that you would provide for us and give us what we need.
We pray over this child. May s/he be born healthy spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally. We know you will answer our prayer either in this current world or in the heavenly one. We pray your will be done, and no matter what happens may we glorify you through the process. It is with pleading hearts that we ask you for a healthy pregnancy and delivery, in Christ’s holy name – Amen.
Since writing this post a few weeks ago…
We went to the appointment with hope and asking many to pray along side us. We praise God for what we heard that day…a heartbeat! All was and is well. But the main point that I want to leave you with is the day before, when I wrote this post, we determined that no matter what happened we would keep our eyes on God and praise him.
No matter what your tomorrow faces, you need to determine now, if there is anything that will keep you from praising God. If there is, take it to God. He can handle it and truly He would rather you give it to Him and help you to build faith in Him, than letting you hold it so the devil can use it against you.
Bless you in your walk with God and may you guard your heart and always keep your focus on the Lord.
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so thankful that you and your baby are doing well. will keep you in my prayers
All I know is – God’s got our backs! 🙂
Love this post and the bravery that it took to write it during such a struggle. I’ll be praying for you and your precious baby. So thankful that all is well!
We could all be paralyzed by “what ifs” if we let ourselves. Keeping our eyes on God is the only place worth looking!