I’ll never forget the first book I read about marriage. I’m sure this old book was actually wonderful. But as a newly engaged college girl, I cried through the entire thing. I felt the author described a woman I could never measure up to. I wasn’t sure I wanted to measure up to her, either.
When I was growing up, young women were encouraged to speak their minds and develop independence and leadership skills. This book told me that the only way to be a godly wife was to basically shut down every “natural instinct” I had. Suddenly my expressive personality was a sin. My independent spirit was insubordinate. What’s worse, I felt that I somehow wasn’t “womanly” enough because I didn’t fit the image of the tidy, quiet housewife. This was salt on the wounds of all my insecurities.
God Calls Women to be Submissive
Although I resisted the idea of being a submissive wife, I knew that God called women to be submissive to their husbands. Scripture gives this instruction multiple times (Ephesians 5:22-24), but I struggled to understand what that really meant.
What did a verse like this mean for a girl like me? How would our marriage work with my personality more geared toward leadership, and my husband more content to go along? These verses were just because of cultural practices, right? After all, men and women are equal. The message of our culture was so ingrained in my mindset. It was very hard for me to accept and understand scriptures about what a Christian marriage should look like.
What Submission Is and Isn’t
In our culture, to submit means you are less than, weak, and taken advantage of. But perhaps we’ve mixed up “submission” with “enslavement.” Maybe submission doesn’t mean what the world thinks it means. Maybe God knew what he was doing when he designed marriage to be one loving husband leading his one submissive wife toward Christ. And, just maybe, our submission as wives isn’t an act of fear and reverence for our husband, but instead a beautiful way of honoring our God.
“A husband is to love and cherish his wife not because she is perfect, or because she treats him the way he wants to be treated. A husband loves and cherishes his wife because he loves Christ. Likewise, a wife submits to her husband not because he is a wonderful spiritual leader, or because he loves her the way she wants to be loved. A wife submits to her husband because she wants to submit to Christ. A husband’s love and a wife’s submission is not a test of their obedience to their spouses. It is a test of their obedience to the Lord…
There will be times when a husband does not want to love his wife and a wife does not want to submit to her husband. In those moments husbands and wives can tell themselves: ‘I am doing this out of my love for Christ. I am submitting to the Lord, because of what He has done for me.’ ” – Scott LaPierre
A New Understanding of Submission
Recently, I had the opportunity to read Marriage God’s Way by Scott LaPierre. (I received a free copy of it in order to write this review and am sharing my unbiased thoughts about it.) I’m truly grateful the Lord brought this book into my hands. I have a much clearer understanding of what it means to be a submissive wife. I have also discovered the joy that comes in seeking God’s design. Can you believe that after hearing the mindset I was coming from? I can’t! Perhaps you’re like me, and you have wrestled with the scriptures instructing wives to be submissive. If so, I encourage you to take a look at Marriage God’s Way. Read what Scott has to say about marriage. I’ve only barely touched on the convictions that are now on my heart!
In his book, LaPierre explains these scriptures very clearly. Throughout the text, he uses many examples to prove how great God’s design for marriage is. His book is packed full of scripture, explanations, and personal life experiences to show how a godly marriage should look. He takes the time to make a full circle around issues, looking at them from many perspectives. The book speaks directly to both wives and husbands, jumping back and forth so that both understand how scriptures apply.
Marriage God’s Way: A Foundational Book for Marriage
I’ve talked specifically about how this book changed my perspective of submission, but this book looks at so much more! It’s not the typical marriage book of date ideas and ways to communicate better. That type of book certainly has its place in a healthy marriage. However, those concepts can’t stand without a solid foundation. Marriage God’s Way is a foundational book for your marriage because it purely centers on what God’s word says about marriage.
Scott might step on and bruise your toes, and your spouse’s toes as well. He has a very direct way of bringing into the open a message very counter to what our culture preaches. And that is why this book is so important! Marriage God’s Way would make a great bible study tool for you and your spouse to use together. A companion workbook is also available to go through after you read the book. I’m looking forward to checking out that in the future with my husband!
I hope you’ll consider reading Marriage God’s Way by Scott LaPierre. You can find it on Amazon in paperback or digital format. Click here to watch the book’s trailer.
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I definitely share your struggles in understanding how to apply Ephesians 5:22-24 to my own life and personality. This sounds like a great book. I will have to check it out. Thank you for sharing!
Glad to hear that. Please let me know if you’d like a signed copy!
Thanks for sharing your review of this book. My hubby and I have read many marriage books and after 30 years we still struggle to do it God’s way. I think this might be next on our reading list. – Amy
I hope you’ll give it a read. If you’d like a signed copy, please let me know!
Thank you for reviewing Marriage God’s Way. My prayer has been that the book will bless people’s marriages and relationships with Christ. Glad to hear it sounded like that happened.
It’s gotta be God first, and then husband and wife
As an egalitarian, I would have a hard time being the tidy little housewife too. For years I was trapped without a voice because of a church, religion, and husband who picked and chose the scriptures they wanted to enforce so they could remain the good old boys club. However, I knew if God had created me equal who were they to tell me I had no authority to speak, write and serve Him. Today, I have a wonderful husband who encourages me to use my gifts and a church who recognizes that it is important that women are in… Read more »
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Submission is a TOUGH one, but I think if both people are living in submission to God, it looks a whole lot different than our sinful expressions often do. God gave us an authority not to dominate but direct and protect. And I’m headstrong and tough, but submitting more and more to God helped me understand how beautiful submission really is. But it took awhile for me to have the heart to hear it.
Well said! I’d love to hear your thoughts on the book. If money is tight, I’d be glad to give you a free electronic copy. Just let me know!
God’s way is the ONLY way when it comes to marriage!