Hello all!I am an Oklahoma girl, through and through!I was born here and after 5 years in Texas for college, I missed Oklahoma too much and just had to come back home with my Oklahoma husband to raise our Oklahoma babies! I met my husband in high school and fell we in love in college.We have 2 beautiful kids that are full of life and make me such a proud momma.I love to craft, journal, paint furniture, and decorate our Edmond home!See some of my creations at The Lettered Light www.etsy.com/shop/theletteredlight and IG:theletteredlight
Several years ago, I decided to pick a “word” for the year.
At the time, life seemed a little bit on the chaotic side. Who am I kidding – that’s all the time! I had a 9-month-old waking up several times every night and a 4 year old son who was testing all kinds of boundaries, and I was still trying to figure out this normal in our growing family. Finding a way to make all the demands fit together was a bit more than I could handle. I’m sure none of you can relate to a chaotic life, right? Right when you feel like you get a grasp on anything, it begins to change and slip through your hands again.
Well, when all of the crazy seemed to be enveloping me, I decided to pray about a WORD for my year. Now ya’ll, this kind of prayer can be scary. You start to realize that the Lord is about to speak to you. Yikes! You better hold on!
After a couple days of thinking and praying, there was one word that seemed to float to the top of all of my thoughts… TRUST. Yep, the big scary TRUST word. Now, the Lord knows this about me but I will let you all in on a little secret about myself….I have a hard time with trust. Not trust issues that stem from people hurting me but more of a controlling kind of trust. Like I can do it better kind of trust. I know the right way to do something kind of trust. Ew, just typing that out makes me feel ridiculous. (Thank you, Lord, so much for my amazing, patient husband. See ya’ll, the Lord knows what we need!)
Trust
So there it was, my word for the year – TRUST. I kept thinking, I need to put on my big girl panties and buckle up!
Now when I consider how trust fits in with the rest of my life, I see it as the result of a couple other things that are also hard:
1. TRUST
Trust is an acceptance of things that the Lord sends my way, whether I like it or not. And in my mind this has everything to do with faith.
2. FAITH
Faith is trusting that the Lord has my back and is taking care of me. The Lord knows what I need before I ask or even when I don’t ask. How great is that? SO GREAT!! (also a little unnerving for me) and when I can really begin to grasp the link of trust and faith, it brings me a great deal of peace.
3. PEACE
Peace can often feel like a deep heavy sigh. Whew! But let me tell you, the fear and anxiety leading up to that peace is really hard to fight through. I actually have this tattooed on my wrist. It reminds me that remembering to be at peace with the Lord’s plan and trusting in the faith that I believe – even when that seems most impossible – is completely necessary. It’s worth the internal battle!
In this verse that I illustrated, I am so drawn to the word “understanding.” I am often reminded in life that trusting the Lord, despite not understanding, is faith. Belief in that faith that the Lord has got me, offers a huge dose of peace. WHEW! Often times things happen that are not a part of my plan, but I can rest assured that they happen according to His plan!
What word has God been helping you to better understand?
Hello. I grew up traveling the world as a military brat. I ultimately felt God's pull to Oklahoma Christian University where I met my husband. We now have 3 beautiful children and have settled in Mustang, Oklahoma.I am a homeschooling mom and with 3 kiddos it is a full time job! I am daily encouraged by God's great patience and grace in my life. In my free time I enjoy reading and crafting.
Lately I’ve been going through some challenges. You know, growing older, raising children, constantly questioning my decisions, etc. I understand that trials will be part of this life and that through those trials You teach us valuable lessons. But sometimes I have small doubts about Your timing. Sometimes, in my humble human brain I can’t piece together the exact reasoning You have about some of the things that happen in my life.
You’ve definitely proven to me over and over again that I am not in control of this life.
I always thought that I would have a career that fulfilled me, and You brought me together with a man with very different ideas. I always thought I’d stay home with my kids until they went to school and then I’d find a job. Then You brought me into homeschooling. I had decided that three children were plenty, and now You’ve gifted me a fourth. It is quite obvious that You are in control.
As I’ve grown older and grown in the word, I’ve slowly but surely been able to release my grasp on control; not for Your good but for my own. As I’ve let go, I’ve gained such a feeling of contentment. As I’ve let go, I’ve gained a freedom that I’ve never known before. As I’ve let go, I’ve made time for other things that actually are my responsibility.
However, Lord, You still find ways to remind me to trust You.
You find ways to send me messages like, “Your day will go smoother if you’d start it with Me,” or “Take care of your children, your husband, AND yourself.” The latter seems like a long hard road that we’re now traveling down. Years of neglecting myself has finally caught up with me and I have been physically forced to slow down.
However, Your goodness and love never fails me.
You placed people in my life to support me during this time: friends to bring meals and clean my kitchen, grandparents to watch the kids, and an amazingly compassionate husband to understand. And through the rest, You revealed to me just how much I’d been neglecting myself.
I can’t help but wonder though, if You’re really sure You know what You’re doing?
I mean, through the pain and discussion of back surgery You brought into my womb a beautiful new life. How wonderful! But why now? Why, when I was on a dangerous medication? Why, when my baby was just barely 10 months old? Why, when our house is already nearly stretched to its limit?
Please don’t misunderstand.
I am incredibly grateful for this beautiful blessing. I’ve seen the pain of a barren womb and I thank You for this miracle inside of me. But Lord, was this really the best time? Proverbs 3:5-6 says:
Obviously, I haven’t given up as much control as I thought.
If I had, I wouldn’t be questioning Your perfect timing. I remember in those first days when I was in such pain that there was no sleep, no rest for my mind, body, or soul. In those days I remember asking You fervently to reveal the lesson that You had for me in this trial. As the pain lessened and I found my new normal, that plea slowly faded away.
I know that You aren’t done with me yet, and for that I’m grateful.
Perhaps You intend to teach me patience. Perhaps it’s more about putting my faith in You and not in the hands of any surgeon. Perhaps it’s about bringing glory to You in my time of weakness. I have yet to discover Your perfect plan through all of this Lord, but I know that I can trust in You. Through my struggles and my failures, You’ve always been by my side. Please forgive me for questioning Your perfect plan and open my eyes to the many lessons I have yet to learn. Thank you for Your goodness and Your love.
I am an Oklahoman by birth, a Texan by current living situation, but claim the world as my playground.I love to travel and hope to someday soon take our family on adventures to far off lands, where we can share God with others and experience all the wonders He has created.
I am a mother of 5 crazy, homeschooling children ages 10 & under, wife to an amazing man, and daughter of the King of the Universe!I enjoy reading, making my kids laugh, cooking, all things natural, learning to play guitar and dusting off my piano skills.One day I hope to run again, but until then I’m learning patience.
I have a very unique laugh. I claim it and am proud of it. It’s loud and distinct. In a crowd, I can be found within minutes. Growing up, I would have people wait for me in the hallways of the movie theater after the movie was over because they heard me laughing during the movie.
It’s always been my trademark. My first reaction to everything was laughter. Whether I was hurting, sad, angry, or truly joyful, I laughed.
My junior year in high school, we had a bit of a morbid writing assignment, so of course, I took it on wholeheartedly. We were asked to write our epitaph and without even batting an eyelash, I knew what mine would be. And still to this day, it is what I have determined will be on my headstone.
She laughed at death
because God was in her heart
and she was in His hands.
Laughter…it’s always been coursing through my veins until one day it wasn’t.
I am not sure what happened, or the exact time my laughter faded, but it did. Maybe it was a mix of sleepless nights and changes in life and my abrupt understanding of how evil people can be…I really can’t remember. I just remember one day looking at my friend and saying, “I don’t laugh like I used to.”
This scared me. I wanted my old carefree, joyful self back, but I couldn’t figure out how to get there. I prayed, studied God’s precious word, and wrapped myself in his faithfulness and goodness. In the end, I realized fear–something I never knew I possessed–was squelching my joy and laughter.
Over the years, the fears I have held onto have slowly melted away. By the grace of God’s patience, he let me wrangle through the core issues In the process, I learned to truly trust Him no matter what the day brings. Only then did my laughter start to return.
Not only do I not hold onto those fears anymore, but I am also no longer ensnared by the stress that accompanied those fears.
The devil is soooooo sneaky. He averted my attention and my joy from my God, the God who created the world and everything in it and the God who is faithful to everything He created. (Psalm 145)
Oh, you devil, how did I let you do that? Slowly….soooo tricky. So slowly you turned my head and my heart and before I realized it, my eyes were not always on the Lord. but focused on my fear and how to avoid it. Tricky, tricky, tricky.
Well, dear Satan, I have since learned this wonderful truth and have tucked it into my heart so that my joy can no longer be squelched. My joy can no longer be deterred. I will continue to laugh at death and all your lies, because I do have God in my heart and He does hold me in His hands. It is a promise he has made. I trust his promises and will no longer trust your lies.
I keep my eyes ALWAYS on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken! Psalm 16:8
Today, after helping with an event, a lady walked up to me and said, “I love your laugh. It’s sincere and unique.” (She might have used slightly different words but the same sentiment was there.) When I heard her say that, I felt the seal of joy on my heart and honestly got a little emotional on the inside. Never again will I allow Satan to steal my joy.
I’ve got my laugh back! The laugh that signifies a complete trust in God no matter what the day brings. And just a little reminder for you, Satan, next time you try to steal my joy, you will not win because Christ has already defeated you!
Laughing and being silly with my kids is such a blessing!
Maybe it’s the beautiful warm sunshine on my skin. Or perhaps it’s the chill music as I’m exiting Panera after enjoying my favorite spinach artichoke quiche. Maybe it’s because my husband is out rock-climbing with the guys for the first time since his knee injuries, and I’ve got free time.
Whatever the reason, I know the quiet voice of God is saying, “Be still.” So, I put the weight of all my stuff in the car and meandered back to the vacant outdoor patio. Feet up on chair, with only a iced green tea and phone in hand.
Wow. I feel so light! And then I think, “WHY is this not my regular pastime?” Why am I always rushing through parking lots? Getting meals to go? Running through checklists? Always on the go. Go, go, go.
I need to Just.Slow.Down.
Slowing Down with Purpose
Then I realize, it’s not just about slowing down. It’s about slowing down with purpose. Enjoying God’s beauty and bounty. So I watch the tiniest baby bird as it perches on the chair next to mine, inquisitively peering my direction. I share a laugh with a young boy as he captures a picture of our little feathered friend. Two strangers who bond over the magnificence of God’s creation as we watch a little bird’s intrigued expression before taking flight. I watch someone talking animatedly on the phone with a friend. I’m so proud of myself in this moment, for both slowing down and taking time to take in everything and everyone around me.
And as I’m watching people…it hits me.
People-watching used to be an art. A fun way to pass time. Is it just me, or does it seem a little creepy in our modern era? Is it because we are so disconnected with the world around us? Too engrossed in our smartphones and tablets? Our own busyness? Are we so focused on ourselves or our own small circles that we forget to look outward? So on-the-go, we forget this part of slowing down – the being watchful part?
What If We Slowed Down?
What if we slowed our pace, sat outside, watched a bird watching people, listened to traffic and conversations…real people and real conversations, acknowledged strangers passing by, what then? Maybe we would bring back another “lost art.” And maybe, we’d glean–and give–something of value.
If I hadn’t needed to run errands today, I might not have left the house. It might have been a different kind of “slow down” day. I might have spent the day in front of Netflix, playing games on my phone, wishing I had something better to do. And calling it “slow…”
And I would have missed all this meaningful, valuable, slow down, people-watching, bird-watching, God-tugging-on-my-heart fun.
What do you need to do (or not do), to ‘Just Slow Down’ today?
I love the way Isaiah 30:18 reads in the Amplified version:
And therefore the Lord [earnestly] waits [expecting, looking, and longing] to be gracious to you; and therefore He lifts Himself up, that He may have mercy on you and show loving-kindness to you. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) are all those who [earnestly] wait for Him, who expect and look and long for Him [for His victory, His favor, His love, His peace, His joy, and His matchless, unbroken companionship]!
We stood there on opposite sides of the garage staring each other down. Letting the question hang there. Knowing the next few words from his mouth could–no, would–change everything.
In that moment, I doubted why I had asked. He hadn’t given me reason to question him. Yet after conversations with two friends struggling through their own answers to this question, I felt like I had to ask.
I had fasted, and I had prayed.
I thought I was ready for whatever his answer would be.
After all, I loved and respected this man. For better or for worse, I had promised to love this man.
As the words came, I crumbled. I was a mess of a woman on that cold concrete floor. I wasn’t ready for this.
“I mean, if I can’t handle it, I’ll tell you,” he said. Then I knew–he hadn’t been faithful to me.
Some will say, “It’s just with his eyes.” To me it was everything. No one had ever hurt me so deeply. No one had ever betrayed me to that level. I had never let anyone in that close before him. It was out of nowhere. I was lost and broken, gasping for air.
He knew how much I hated pornography. My heart ached for sex-trafficked victims, and he knew that. He knew the broken woman I once was and how close I had been to becoming one of those women myself.
He had hurt me, yes, but he also made me sick.
This man was the father to my children. This man who had studied the Bible with me, who had prayed with me, who had loved me was, all the while, sinning against me and our vows. He had lusted after other women. He had done this in our home, on his phone, and on our television.
I hated him.
Now, I hated all of those things. Looking at them reminded me of his betrayal. He came to me, crumpled on the garage floor.
I cringed at his touch.
We sat there for what felt like forever.
Finally I asked, “Where do we go from here?”
Equipped through God’s Grace
That night, neither of us had any idea what the next two years would look like. By his grace, God equipped me to love my husband through this dark time in our marriage. God’s grace has given him strength to fight the desire of his flesh, seek accountability, and submit himself to boundaries that are at times frustrating.
We have both learned a lot in the past two years. I’ve learned a lot about grace, God, and walking in this gift of marriage.
Lessons Learned
Here are a few of my take-aways from this dark and painful time. I hope these lessons I’ve learned will bless any other woman walking through a similar battlefield.
1) Be in the Word.
When all this happened, I was just finishing Beth Moore’s study on James. I know without a doubt that had I not been deep in the Word of God for weeks leading up to this, my faith would have faltered even more.
I had memorized more scripture than I ever had before. Without it I was lost.
I’m not saying I never doubted God’s plan. I’m not saying I never questioned the purpose of this life we are living together. I am saying knowing and relying on scripture is one of the few things that helped me get out of bed every morning.
These verses in particular, which I had memorized weeks before, anchored my storm-tossed mind and soul.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
I doubted He was there with me. I doubted where He had been as my husband walked down this road to destruction.
But He was there.
He was there, grieving with us. He was there, prompting my husband to walk away from the computer. On the days, weeks, and months that my husband did not betray me, God was there, giving him strength.
Again, the words of James were aptly timed for just this moment in my life. These words helped me to reconcile our sinful temptations with the Lord who walks with us by His Holy Spirit.
When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, not does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full grown, gives birth to death.
It hurt me, it broke me, it made me grow. It made me stronger, but in the end, it was about my husband, his experiences, and his personal struggle with sin.
This was the most difficult lesson. One I still have to be reminded of regularly. This was my opportunity to be gracious, to be an example of mercy to my husband.
Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful.
Mercy triumphs over judgement! That brings me to my next lesson.
4) I can’t do this alone.
Jesus Christ didn’t come to earth and disciple one man. He discipled many, and established a church. We need the church in our brokenness. I’m not saying go out and shout your husband’s sin from the pulpit. I am saying wisely and prayerfully seek out one or two women to encourage you during this season. You will be amazed at the women God brings to you. These women will love you when you hurt and encourage you to be Christ-like when you don’t want to be Christ-like anymore. Women who will pray with you, cry with you, check in on you, and just be with you.
Is any of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise…and the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
5) Lastly, and most importantly, Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior, not my husband.
I had him on a pedestal. His desire, love, and admiration fueled me. After almost ten years of marriage, I had forgotten that my value and purpose is from the Lord. None of us are perfect–not my husband, and definitely not me.
For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking it all.
My husband can’t save me and I can’t save him. Jesus Christ took care of that almost 2,000 years ago.
There are still days I fight to control the images and thoughts in my mind. There are days I just want to cry in my best friend’s arms, and I hate that the one who comforts me is also the one who hurt me.
Satan Seeks to Destroy Marriages
Sin is gross. It hurts. Sin is dark.
Sexual sin destroys trust beyond comprehension.
Satan is prowling like a lion seeking to devour each and every one of our marriages. He is seeking to destroy the most intimate and grace-filled institution that represents Christ’s love for us.
Be on guard. Stay in the Word. Devote yourself to prayer. And…
…put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
I am an Oklahoman by birth, a Texan by current living situation, but claim the world as my playground.I love to travel and hope to someday soon take our family on adventures to far off lands, where we can share God with others and experience all the wonders He has created.
I am a mother of 5 crazy, homeschooling children ages 10 & under, wife to an amazing man, and daughter of the King of the Universe!I enjoy reading, making my kids laugh, cooking, all things natural, learning to play guitar and dusting off my piano skills.One day I hope to run again, but until then I’m learning patience.
There have been so many times in my life God has shown me that the impossible is possible. And yet, there are times when I still have not even thought about God making something possible. Has that happened to you? For example, I don’t even pray about it because I just never expected it to be possible. It has happened to me recently and I can’t wait to share the details with you!
But first, I’m going to share a moment that opened my eyes to how God still works today.
For the longest time, I had God in a box. I believed he worked amazing miracles in the Bible. I had even witnessed his protection in my own life through situations when I should have otherwise been hurt or potentially dead. But the fact of the matter was that I was still growing in my understanding of who God was and how he could still magnificently work in our lives even today. He was not–and is not–just a God of the Bible but the God of our lives! He was unpacking himself and his amazing ways before my very eyes.
The Problem
After I graduated from college, I moved to Madrid, Spain. It had always been a dream to work internationally and everything came together in that way. I worked for a technology company part-time as an intern and life was great! Then, several months into my Spanish stay, something changed that I didn’t expect.
Four of us had been renting an apartment from a lady who lived in southern Spain at the time, but then she decided to move back into the apartment. It wasn’t bad at first, but over time the living situation became difficult. Without going into details, I knew I needed to find another place to live. However, by this time I was engaged and only planned to stay for about two more months. I knew that it would be difficult to find a place to rent for that short amount of time.
The Answer Came in the Most Unexpected Way
I started praying and asked my family to pray as well. I asked those I knew in Spain if they knew of anything that was available, figuring this would be how I would find the perfect spot. But nothing panned out through anyone I knew. God brought it to light in a way that I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that He and He alone had set things in motion for a move to a place that would benefit the owner and myself.
As I mentioned before, I worked part-time. My normal working hours were 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. One day I was notified that I needed to stay until the end of the work day for an important company meeting, so I did. After the meeting ended, I hopped on the Metro with everyone else getting off work at 8 p.m. I pulled out my Spanish newspaper and began to look through the “For Rent” section. My stop was the last stop on the line so I had a good while to look. About 3-4 stops along, a lady sitting close to me asked me in English if I was looking for a place to live.
Here is where I need to stop and preface the situation:
I was reading a Spanish newspaper, which had absolutely no English words in it.
The whole time I lived in Madrid, I only met a handful of English-speaking people outside of language schools.
I don’t look out of place…meaning my skin and features look European, so there was no reason for her to think that I wasn’t Spanish.
Needless to say, I was startled to hear someone asking me this question in English. As it turned out, this lady’s sister was looking to rent out a room, but she had special requirements. After a brief conversation, we agreed to meet for coffee the next day to discuss the potential opportunity more.
God’s Solution
The conversation went well! After talking to the woman on the Metro, I found out that her sister was wheelchair-bound. She had a nurse to care for her during the day, but at night they wanted someone there just in case anything happened. My role was to call for help and take care of her until someone got there. It turned out to be the perfect situation. The lady was beautiful inside and out. The rent was around €300 less and the room was bigger. The location was right in front of my Metro stop and much closer to the grocery store, which is super important when you are walking home after buying groceries!
It was evident from the first conversation on the metro to the time I returned home to America that God had orchestrated this entire encounter. Ever since then, my eyes have been open to prayerfully seeing the opportunities he presents.
Bringing it Back to Present Day
Currently, I am pregnant with our fifth child. Even though I originally wanted to have a natural birth with all of our children, complications with the first meant a cesarean was necessary. By our third child, I was willing to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) but could not find a doctor nearby who was willing. So all four of our children up to this point were delivered via cesarean. I didn’t think a natural birth was even an option any more. Even though I talked about wanting a natural birth from the beginning, I never even thought to pray about having one this time around.
God’s Surprise
Once again, God provided in a way I never dreamed of or foresaw. In January we moved to a new state, facilitating the need for a new doctor to deliver this child. In researching, I learned about an OB/GYN who specializes in delivering babies vaginally even after the mother has had multiple cesareans. A few weeks ago this doctor accepted me as his patient. Now we have the opportunity to have a natural birth we have always dreamed about.
I say an opportunity because everything will have to line up right with the baby. This doctor will not take any unnecessary risks and a cesarean still might need to happen. BUT the point is that God has amazingly provided a doctor who is willing to wait on God’s timing. He has provided a doctor who will allow this child to be born the way God intended! I am ecstatic and prayerful over her birth. I can’t wait to tell you how the story ends! Unfortunately, I will have to because our little girl isn’t expected to greet the world until mid-June!
Until then I would love to hear how God has made the “Impossible Possible” in your life?
purpose. Enjoying God’s beauty and bounty. So I watch the tiniest baby bird as it perches on the chair next to mine, inquisitively peering my direction. I share a laugh with a young boy as he captures a picture of our little feathered friend. Two strangers who bond over the magnificence of God’s creation as we watch a little bird’s intrigued expression before taking flight. I watch someone talking animatedly on the phone with a friend. I’m so proud of myself in this moment, for both slowing down and taking time to take in everything and everyone around me.
