Jayne Michener has been married for over twenty years to a "son of thunder" and is mother to two adolescent daughters, one delightfully immersed in nature and another humorous, artistic girl who is devoted to cats.The better days are spent developing Christian culture and character with the educational principles of Charlotte Mason in mind.The worse days are spent with lightly held sanity, tightly gripped coffee, and semi-vocalized prayer.She is on a journey depending on the Holy Spirit to guide her into all truth, whether unseen spiritual realms or earthly ventures, such as education, healing arts, nutrition, neuroscience, and art.Oh, and her children would be horrified if she did not mention that they live with two cats, Blacksmith and Beauty.
We also glory in tribulations,knowing that tribulation producesperseverance;and perseverance,character; and character, hope.Now hope does not disappoint,because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Romans 5:3-5
Pain
Pain is the high price of wisdom, but even after purchase, we can accidentally leave it on the shelf. Sometimes pain is paid in installments that seem to stretch endlessly at regular intervals over decades, with no maturity date. At some point, though, we may return to the point of sale to redeem what has been bought, but with additional interest, paid in sorrow.
My parents have been married a full fifty-five years, and from the beginning my mom always described her relationship with my dad as fitting together like a hand in glove. Well, that’s not the type of relationship I have. While my husband asked for my hand in marriage—that’s as far as that metaphor goes. A culinary metaphor is more apt—like oil and vinegar, tangy and sharp, coming together temporarily for a splash of interesting and complex flavors, but soon separating into entities that will never mix.
Opposites attract, as the saying goes. Opposites may indeed attract, but it is no sure sign of compatibility, and when two such people come together in marriage, it may be a covenant of pain. Sometimes there is a vain comfort in feeling one’s sorrows are uncommon and unique, such as the tortured artist cutting off his ear, but leaving a legacy of genius. I have been tempted to think the obstacles in our marriage are more formidable than that which is common to man, and I am not ready to give up that idea completely.
Age Old Obstacles
What is in the guise of unique, formidable obstacles, though, is actually an age-old Ephesians 5 problem.
Men want to be respected. Women want to be loved. We are no different here. What makes our marriage one of perpetual, irresolvable conflict is the basis of ourdecision making.
After twenty-three years, we find ourselves at an increasingly pressurized impasse. The path of peace for one is a trampling and violation of the other. In other words, the decisions which make my husband feel respected come at the cost of my feeling unloved. Conversely, the decisions which make me feel loved come at the cost of my husband feeling disrespected.
Can a wife solve her Ephesians 5 problem with 1 Peter 3?
1 Peter 3:1-6
Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands,like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord.You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
Be Like Sarah?
Peter holds Sarah up as a holy woman of the past who submitted to her husband, Abraham, and did not give way to fear.
Because of famine, Abram is going down to Egypt to buy grain. He tells Sarai to inform the Egyptians that she is his sister so he will not be killed on account of her beauty. Subsequently, she is taken into Pharaoh’s palace—think harem and concubine! This experience must have been rife with reservations, rationalizations, and resentments.
Sarai’s reservations:
The Lord has certainly called my husband on this journey, but did Abram check with the God of heaven regarding this partially true yet deceitful strategy to circumvent his fear of Pharaoh? What might happen to me once I leave the comfort and safety of my family? Will I be raped by Pharaoh? Does Abram have plans to rescue me from Pharaoh and be my knight in shining goat’s hair?
Abram’s rationalizations:
If Sarai really loves me, she will do whatever is necessary to protect me. She will respect my authority and say everywhere we go, “He is my brother.” Besides, she really is my half-sister, so it is not selfish or sinful, but reasonable and rational.
Sarai’s resentments:
That grievous goatherd sold me out to cover his own skin! Abram does not cherish and protect me; I am nothing more than a bartering tool to be exchanged for his freedom. Apparently, my security is a low price for him to pay!
Discussing this Event with My Husband
Certainly this story might be cast in a different light.
In discussing the account with my husband, he mentioned maybe Sarai felt honored to represent their family interests at Pharaoh’s court. Really? Is there some secret Prophetic Men’s Justification Club? Now, to be fair to my husband, his response was tongue-in-cheek, and to be fair to Abram, maybe he thought Sarai’s fate would be the same whether or not she said Abram was her brother. But my point is that Abram’s decision might have been a bitter point of contention between them had Sarai given way to fear.
Darker Times of a Covenant Marriage
Later in this couple’s history, Hagar the slave woman is cast out because she and her son have no share in God’s covenant promises to Abraham. During the darker times in my covenant marriage, I have felt that being in the desert with Hagar seemed more alluring than staying in a covenant relationship that is fulfilled only through death.
We are in good company, though, regarding this angst as it seems even the Divine is not exempt from the painful conflict associated with covenant relationships. Before the covenant vows were even said, God was ready to destroy the Israelites and start again with Moses after their idolatry with a mysteriously appearing golden calf.
In that light it seems strange that God would bind himself in relationship with his wayfaring people who time and again strain that union through adulterous affairs. In fact, the only release from covenant is found in death itself.
The death that was eventually offered to the Israelites is that which is ultimately offered to us today: either accept and participate in the death, burial, and resurrection of his Son, or face the cataclysmic death of the covenant relationship like the Israelites experienced in the destruction of Jerusalem in 70 A.D.
There is Only One Option
The deeper, the longer, the more entangled that I become with my husband, the one that I intimately know and love, but with whom I am so painfully enthralled in irresolvable conflict, it becomes clear that the only option for this covenant is death.
I must either die to myself with the possible hope of resurrection to something both familiar and unknown, or our marriage will experience the obliterating finality of the destruction of Jerusalem in 70 A.D. One thing is certain. Death is excruciating, and death to self no less so. Is it possible, like Sarah, to do what is right and not give way to fear when your husband leads you on what seems a reckless and potentially dangerous path? Can one’s reservations and resentments be crucified and discomforts tolerated? Can one’s fear of the Lord be greater than the fear of where her man might lead her?
Something is going to have to die, but only one death has hope of resurrection.
Death imagery is actually woven into the fabric of our universe, a divine parable whispered through creation. Every night the sun “dies” and the light is extinguished only to be reborn with dawn, sometimes in glorious splendor. Or take seeds falling to the ground with seasonal, earthy death, returning markedly changed and fruitful. Though we wish to shirk death, we were born to die. Not only that, death is also our hope. Each time we die a godly death within the context of our covenants, in that paradoxical death, we plant the hope of resurrection.
Edited by: John Michener, beloved husband, not grievous goatherd.
I am an Oklahoman by birth, a Texan by current living situation, but claim the world as my playground.I love to travel and hope to someday soon take our family on adventures to far off lands, where we can share God with others and experience all the wonders He has created.
I am a mother of 5 crazy, homeschooling children ages 10 & under, wife to an amazing man, and daughter of the King of the Universe!I enjoy reading, making my kids laugh, cooking, all things natural, learning to play guitar and dusting off my piano skills.One day I hope to run again, but until then I’m learning patience.
Teaching our kids to take responsibility for their actions and choices can be difficult but is a gift we as their parents can give them.
How many times now do we turn on the news, listen to the radio, or overhear someone express how someone else’s actions forced a certain reaction from them.
I hear it all the time in our house of 5 kids. “But s/he made me do it!”
Anytime that phrase “he made me do it” gets thrown out, I can’t help but chuckle. (Not only because my first instinct is always to laugh, but because I remember trying to place blame on someone else too.)
I mean really, who wants to get in trouble for their actions? No one! It’s so much easier to try and pass the buck than to accept responsibility…or is it?
This is another lie that Satan tires to thrown our way.
Taking Responsibility Provides Relief
It may be difficult to accept responsibility, especially when we royally goof up, but it provides a relief too. It forces us to confess and repent, and it takes the weight off our shoulders of hiding what we have done.
Yes, we still have to face the consequences but we can beg and plead for grace. Grace is often extended when we readily admit that we have done wrong and are actually remorseful over it.
It’s when we try to cover up our guilt to save ourselves that we pile on the consequences. We see this as adults and we see this when dealing with children.
I didn’t do it…
As an only child, I often tried to blame spills and messes on my cat. Blaming the cat became a habit that was difficult to break.
One day I accidentally, ran into a potted plant and instead of taking the time to rectify the situation, I just went on with my day and when my mom asked about it, I blamed the cat.
I was quickly caught in the lie because the cat had died a few weeks earlier. So not only did I get in more trouble, but I gave my mother a reason to question my truthfulness.
Losing her trust was more difficult to deal with than picking up the dirt would have been.
Taking Responsibility is Empowering
Teaching responsibility is a lesson we must teach through our examples more so than our words. We know that kids always focus more on what we do than what we say. Gifting the example of putting our pride down and choosing to act right no matter what anyone else does, will bless them throughout their life.
I tell our kids all the time:
No matter how the other person reacts, you get to choose your reaction.
So whenever anyone acts in a horrific way towards us, instead of sinking to that level, we can choose to be kind and remind our kids that Jesus calls us to love everyone no matter how they react towards us.
But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
– Jesus, Luke 6:27-28
Isn’t that empowering! It’s exciting to think that our moods and actions are not dictated by someone else. When we teach our kids this, they then can stop thinking they are a marionette puppet in someone else’s puppet show. They can know the truth that their choices have the power to do good in a world full of evil and they do not have to be overcome by it. Praise be to the Lord Jesus Christ who through his Spirit can gift us the ability to love those who hate us and try to mistreat us!
Let’s take that stance with our children. It’s our responsibility to teach them to take responsibility for their actions. It takes time, patience, and consistency, but our families and our society will benefit greatly from it. More importantly, our Lord will be glorified because of it!
I am a girl who loves to sit with a cup of coffee and daydream. I am most passionate about Jesus, my family, and family ministry. My husband and I live in Oklahoma with our two precious daughters. I spend my days with my girls, discovering and growing alongside them! You can usually find us either in our sunroom, the park, or taking long walks through Target. :)
How often do you find yourself feeling angry toward your children? This is hard question to ask myself. I make significant effort to be gentle, but truthfully, it is quite often that I notice myself raging inside as my eldest, almost 4 years old, is becoming more familiar with right and wrong.
My moment of internal strife might play out in this way:
Why won’t she just listen and obey? What if someone gets hurt? What if she behaves like this in Bible Class?
I can’t let her act like this! I have to show her who’s boss!
In my anger, I lash out. The power struggle begins.
I make irrational statements in awful tones. I give ineffective punishments.
I feel horrible. She feels horrible.
Later on I hear her talking in the same ugly tone. Hmm… where did she learn to speak in that way?
Why is it that anger is the first instinct for so many of us, especially in regards to parenting? I believe most parents have good intentions. We want our children to act respectfully and we burn inside when we can’t convince them to cooperate. We are desperate. I believe that James, the brother of Jesus, and servant of God, speaks to the heart of this issue.
“My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” James 1:19-20
Anger Won’t Bring about Righteousness Living
In our Bible Class we recently studied this passage, and though James doesn’t specifically mention parenting, my heart couldn’t help but hear these words from a parent’s perspective. How often am I angry with my daughter because I want her to live righteously. Yet anger won’t bring about this righteousness- in myself or in my daughter. It is my experience that hasty anger often only brings about shame.
Let’s read on to hear the solutions that James offers.
“Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” James 1:21-22
“If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after the orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1:26-27
Righteous living is something that our children will learn through a lifetime of observation and loving instruction. James makes it very clear that being religious is about guarding our hearts and humble service.
Do our children see that in us?
Do our children see that we are humble and compassionate, ready to listen, and slow to become angry?
Do we have a tight rein on our tongue when we speak to our children?
There are many different styles of parenting, and I certainly don’t claim to have all the answers. Often parenting requires direct and assertive responses, but I believe this can be done gently and in love. It is my conviction that the instruction to be slow to anger also applies to our interactions with our children. Does this mean that we will never be angry? No, of course not!
It means that our instinct will be patience, kindness, and gentleness rather than anger.
We will have open arms and listening ears.
When it is time to be direct, we will try to stay calm. We will be our children’s “safe space.”
This type of parenting does not come naturally for me. I pray multiple times each day for the Lord to help me. I boldly pray for the fruit of the Spirit to be displayed as I interact with my daughters. This passage in James was a strong reminder that I need to make a conscious effort to tame my tongue and be slow to anger in my responses to my children. I absolutely can’t do this on my own. I need Jesus to work through me as I train up my children in the way they should go. We all need him to!
Praying Over Our Hearts
I’d like to end this thought with a prayer.
Father God,
You are our Heavenly Father and we praise you and thank you for wonderfully making our children. Work through us as we train them in the way they should go. In us, express your love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. Help us to be slow to anger, with tongues that are tamed through faithful dependence on you. May our children see glimpses of you in our interactions with them. Forgive us for our selfish ways and for the times we respond poorly to our children. Give us strength and help when we need it. Soften our hearts and help us to find your joy every day.
Melissa Riggan (Eastman), a native of Texas, met her Husband Aaron Riggan, also a native of Texas, while they attended Oklahoma Christian University. They married in May of 2011 and chose to make their home in Oklahoma. Melissa thoroughly enjoys her job as an Elementary Music Teacher and Aaron rocks it out as an Application Support Administrator for a local bank. They enjoy serving together at church, teaching and sharing their love of puppets. They have no children yet but enjoy their sweet fur baby named Hazel.
“The Lord Himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” Exodus 14:14.
“Stay Calm?!?!”
I’ve never been a calm person. How was I supposed to be calm with all of these things going on around me? In what way could God be fighting for me when I was in so much physical pain and mental anguish?
When My Dream Life Crumbled
In spring of 2013, I was living my life’s dream! Not only was I married to my best friend, but I was a very active music teacher. Nothing seemed to slow me down until my right hip started hurting. This was out of the blue, so I immediately went to see the doctor. Months of pain eventually led to the diagnosis of a torn labrum. I had surgery and we thought that was the end of it. Instead, this was the beginning of a long journey through pain and hardship to God’s lessons and blessings that I am only now discovering.
My left side eventually tore as well and I was officially diagnosed with hip dysplasia at the age of 25. In the simplest terms it is a misalignment of the hip joint, which is usually diagnosed at birth or in early childhood. They never could figure out if I was born with it or if it developed over time. As the next few years passed I continued to have more tears and failed surgeries.
In 2016, it was then decided that the more permanent solution was to break my hip and reset it. (The whole explanation is complicated but the surgery is called a PAO.) I was angry, scared, and frustrated.
Did God Leave Me?
God was supposed to take care of me and yet here I was in the middle of the biggest battle of my life!
We were referred to Duke University in North Carolina. This meant multiple trips on planes and staying in hotels just to visit the doctor. When the surgery day finally came, I tried to be brave and rely on my own strength. But underneath it all, I was scared. How was I going to survive the pain I knew was coming and a year-long recovery? Would I be able to teach again? If I couldn’t teach again, what else did God want me to do with my life? We wanted a family but how was I going to do that now?
The next five days in the hospital were a living nightmare. I was at a constant pain level of 10. (The pain I experienced is compared to child birth or breaking your femur.) I was angry and beyond frustrated. They struggled to keep my pain managed but couldn’t do much. Aaron, my husband, was there even when I wasn’t the most pleasant. I tried to color, which usually soothed my spirit, but the pain was too much. It felt as if God had left me. I felt emotionally abandoned and alone.
When Depression Hit
Things didn’t get much better after we left. I spent weeks and months at home in bed. Isolation and pain turned into depression. I only left the house for doctor’s appointments and church.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, in November of 2016 I was diagnosed with a staph infection in my left hip. They tried to take care of it but in March of 2017, Duke discovered that the infection went all the way to the screws and into the bone. They put in a PIC line and I had to give myself antibiotics every day.
A month after this (April 2017), I returned to Duke to have them break my right side. All the fear returned twofold and the experience was even worse than the first. I was at my lowest point. I struggled with my faith, wondering why God would put me through all of this.
The Continued Struggle with Rays of Hope
The summer of 2017 was a constant battle. I wanted to get better but I was sick all the time from the constant pain, medication, and antibiotics. Slowly, things improved. I began walking, doing small chores, and colored like a mad woman. I’m not sure what helped to improve my outlook that summer but my biggest goal was to return to teaching for the Fall of 2017. I missed my students so much! (I tell them all the time that they are my kids since we don’t have our own yet.)
When I returned to teaching, I was so happy but that didn’t last for long. Every day was a struggle. I would come home from work to only crawl in bed and not get up till the next morning. I was glad to see my students but the physical pain and mental stress was great. I was not always the most pleasant person and stress was magnified ten-fold. I began to wonder if I was going to be able to teach like this. I had always felt God had called me to teaching. If that was true, what was he wanting from me now?
A Hip Replacement at My Age!?!
Around February 2018, I had had enough! I started calling my doctors telling them that I was still in too much pain. Duke told me that there was nothing else they could do for me. Anything that they might do could be done here at home. I was referred to a local hip replacement specialist. Hip replacement, at 29 or 30 years old? You might say they were crazy but this time, for some reason, I had faith. This was my last chance at a normal life. All of the other surgeries I had been thorough had failed, but this one seemed to offer hope.
I pushed through to the end of my most stressful year of teaching and I had my first hip replacement on my left side, June 1st, 2018. Within 10 hours of surgery, they had me up and walking. I certainly didn’t want to get up. (Who would want to do that after any surgery?) I had many prayers and visitors from our church family. The support was invaluable. The next day, I was able to sit up in a chair and color. I was discharged that afternoon, walking with a walker on my own power.
Every day, things improved. Within a week, I was walking with a cane and at two weeks, no cane. This surgery and recovery has been the easiest I have ever been through. I can drive, do chores around the house, and walk a good distance before I have to sit. I did well enough that I had my right hip replacement July 27th, 2018. I pray that this will be the last surgery that I have to have for the next 20-30 years.
God was Fighting for me!
Through all this, God was fighting for me. I greatly struggled to “be still” and see what He was doing during all of this. He has been building me up to serve others whom are going through a physical, mental, or emotional struggle in their lives. Just as I needed encouragement, they need it too.
They need someone, outside of themselves, who can sympathize with them. (I will never claim to know exactly what someone is going through.) I have begun blogging about my experiences and sharing encouragement to anyone whom may need it. I also am constantly trying to encourage the people around me.
God has given me a whole new view of the life He’s given us. He has never promised that our lives will be free of pain and struggles.But He has promised that He will fight for us if we will only let Him and BE STILL.
I am a girl who loves to sit with a cup of coffee and daydream. I am most passionate about Jesus, my family, and family ministry. My husband and I live in Oklahoma with our two precious daughters. I spend my days with my girls, discovering and growing alongside them! You can usually find us either in our sunroom, the park, or taking long walks through Target. :)
When was the last time you felt yourself losing your patience with someone? Was it on the freeway when a stranger cut you off? Was it with your kids during the difficult hour before dinner? Was it with your husband when he irritated that last nerve you had in you? Oh, there are plenty of opportunities to practice patience in our lives! More than patience though, what we really need are eyes of grace.
Using Eyes of Grace Instead of Judgment
Do you ever find yourself judging others? Of course you might not want to admit this, but I’m willing to bet that all of us have. Maybe it was the single mom who walked into church halfway through the sermon with her two children, all of them looking sloppy and making noise. Maybe it was the teenager wearing a “dress” that should be a shirt. Perhaps it was the older woman who never has a kind word to say. Yes, there are often times when it’s tempting to be judgmental. What we really need are eyes of grace.
Do you suffer from insecurity? Or wish that you looked different or had nicer clothes? Do you feel defeated before you even begin to try something new? Do your failures and shortcomings speak louder than any victory? If so, sweet friend, you are not alone, and you are desperately in need of eyes of grace.
Grace is life-changing. Of course, the best example of grace is from our Father in Heaven.
You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies us intensely? But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
James 4:4-6
Undeserved Grace
The Lord envies for our hearts intensely, yet time and time again we give in to the world. At least I do–I can’t speak for you. What a comfort to know that God extends me more and more grace. Grace I do not deserve. But really, grace is never deserved, it’s a gift we are given because we are loved so greatly. God’s eyes are full of grace when he looks on his children. As a daughter trying to be more like her Father, I must also try to see myself and others through His eyes of grace.
When we exchange our pride for eyes of grace, we see ourselves not just for who we really are or who we want to be, but for who we are in Christ. This is not a place of insecurity but a place of victorious security!
As we interact with others if we exchange our judgmental thoughts with eyes of grace we will see others the way God sees them. We will look on their disposition with love and understanding. This does not mean that if we notice a sin in their life that we accept their sin, just as I don’t want to accept the sin in my own life. What it means is that we see their heart, and seek to lovingly nurture it.
When our patience runs thin, and we exchange our anger for eyes of grace, we will remember to let the Holy Spirit shine through us in those times. Mercy and forgiveness will be on our hearts because we know that we’ve received it often ourselves.
Recite Before You Respond
In the book Toddlers on the Move by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller I’m learning lots of tips for staying patient, as that’s a needed skill with a toddler! They suggest when you find yourself turning angry to recite the fruit of the spirit before you respond.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
Galatians 5:22-23
You see, we can’t offer this wondrous grace on our own. We are only human, and we most definitely fall short. But if the Holy Spirit is living in you then you’ve got His eyes of grace living in you. You must call upon the Spirit and beg that you see through HIS eyes of grace.
When we use Hiseyes of grace it reminds us that we want to treat others and ourselves the way Jesus would. The best way to do that is to let the Holy Spirit’s fruit pour out from us.
Eyes of grace–we all want to be seen through them–and the good news is that we all are.
I am an Oklahoman by birth, a Texan by current living situation, but claim the world as my playground.I love to travel and hope to someday soon take our family on adventures to far off lands, where we can share God with others and experience all the wonders He has created.
I am a mother of 5 crazy, homeschooling children ages 10 & under, wife to an amazing man, and daughter of the King of the Universe!I enjoy reading, making my kids laugh, cooking, all things natural, learning to play guitar and dusting off my piano skills.One day I hope to run again, but until then I’m learning patience.
Anger unchecked is explosive. It can leave physical, emotional, and spiritual wounds. Learning how to keep anger from exploding into sin is a must in this society. We must not only teach ourselves but our children what to do when anger arises.
Watching the news makes it pretty obvious that we as a society are not doing a good job. Instead of encouraging others to not let their anger spew, it has become acceptable and encouraged. Then people wonder why it seems like every other day violent outbursts are literally killing others.
Being Cautious with Anger
Anger is a tricky thing because it is not a sin to be angry but if we do not deal with it then we can sin in our anger.
We have a set of questions that gets repeated often with a houseful of strong headed kids. These typically get asked when someone becomes angry:
Is it ok to be angry? Yes.
Is it ok to sin in our anger? No.
It is ok if a situation brings feelings of anger, but it’s how we choose to handle that anger that determines whether or not we sin in our anger. So how do we keep anger from exploding into sin?
When Anger Erupts
The other night one of our precious children’s anger erupted into a sinful flow of burning lava. The child at first tried to control it, but then gave completely into it. The child’s demeanor changed and the anger that was boiling inside his heart was so evidently displayed on the face and spewed out through his actions.
It was obvious that our son was struggling. Wanting to lash out was the last thing he wanted to do but he couldn’t figure out how to keep his anger in check.
Keeping Anger from Exploding into Sin
After cooling down a bit, my precious son walked up to me with a Bible in hand, asking for Bible stories about anger. Knowing full well what this child needed to hear, God put a passage on my heart and his. It was amazing how they complimented each other and taught the lesson he needed to hear.
Holding onto to our anger
Because the anger our son had was geared toward another sibling, I chose for us to read Genesis 4, which is the story of when Cain killed his own brother Able.
The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering,but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. Genesis 4:4b-5
After reading that passage, I pulled our son in close and we started to compare his situation to Cain’s.
Me: Did you notice the description of Cain’s face? It was “downcast.” Do you know how your face looks right now?
Looking into a mirror, he was quickly able to see what a downcast face looks like. His demeanor changed a little upon seeing the anger written upon his face.
Then we refocused on verses 6-7:
Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast?If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.
God came to Cain. He asked him why he was angry and warned him not to let sin overtake him. But Cain chose to allow anger to rule his heart instead of leaning in and giving it to God. The result was horrific. He allowed anger to not only rule that moment but his life. He killed his own brother.
In turning back to our son, I asked, “Are you willing to hold onto your justified anger and let it stew in your heart against your brother? God doesn’t recommend it and doesn’t want you to sin by holding on to it. Do you know 1 John says hating your brother is like murdering him? Do you really want to murder him?
Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him.
1 John 3:15
Giving our Anger to God
The passage my son asked to read could not have been more perfect for this situation. I was amazed that he even remembered it. We’ve only read the story once while reading through the Chronological Bible, but it obviously made an impact with him. He wanted to read the Number 16, which is the story of Korah leading a rebellion against Moses.
His specific request was, “Mom, can we read the story about when the earth opened up and swallowed those people?” So I’m not sure if in that moment he was hoping for some justification as to why his annoying little sibling should be swallowed up whole or if he remembered how Moses handled his anger. Either way, God was about to use this story to remind both of us of a valuable lesson.
This was the perfect passage because like my son Moses had a reason to be angry, but Moses chose to handle his anger in a completely different way than Cain did.
Then Moses became very angry and said to the Lord, “Do not accept their offering. I have not taken so much as a donkey from them, nor have I wronged any of them.” Numbers 16:15
Do you see the difference? Moses went straight to God with his anger! This is exactly what we need to do. When anger balls up in us and we want to lash out, take it to God instead of taking it out on others. Allow God to deal with those who hurt you. Let him dispense justice, but even more pray for them that the person’s heart and attitude will be changed.
Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written [Deut. 32:35] : “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”says the Lord. Romans 12:19
And boy did God avenge Moses!
As soon as [Moses] finished saying all this, the ground under them split apartand the earth opened its mouth and swallowed them and their households, and all those associated with Korah, together with their possessions…And fire came out from the Lord and consumed the 250 men who were offering the incense. Numbers 16:31,21,35
When Anger Flares up – Stop, Drop, & Pray
Anger much like fire is all consuming. It destroys what holds it as well as everything around it if it is not properly cared for, so when anger flares up in our lives, we need to be like Moses. Stop, drop, & pray!
So that’s exactly what we did. We took the time out to pray and ask God to calm his spirit as well as find better ways of dealing with his siblings.
I don’t want to raise Cains that think it’s ok to let the sin of anger overtake them and unleash their wrath on the world. So we will continue to keep anger from exploding into sin and pray our children will encourage others to do the same as well.
