All people are different.
For example, I am an introverted extrovert. Â Now, I know that doesn’t make much sense, but essentially for me it means that I like to be by myself, except when I don’t. Â I like to be with people, and I especially like to be included in things that are fun. Â Now my husband, on the other hand, is what I like to think of as an introverted introvert, meaning that he likes to be around people the bare minimum of acceptable or appropriate time. Â He recognizes that he must deal with people and be around people at work and other places; however, if socializing is not required, why do it?
Holidays Friction
You might see how this could create a certain amount of friction in our home. I use the word friction very lightly.  For us, it’s not really an issue because we’ve found a middle ground that works most of the time.
However, holidays seem to be the time when these differences can really creep in and cause a disturbance in the home. Take two people with different personalities, backgrounds, and traditions and put them in the same home during holiday time and I can guarantee there will be some discussing that goes on.
The October Challenge
For us, nothing has proven more difficult than agreeing on festivities for the month of October. Â Call it what you will–Halloween, All Hallows Eve, The Day of the Devil–this day has proven to be a difficult one for our family to find any middle ground. Â My husband feels very strongly that we should be locked in our home with the lights off, watching movies and pretending that the rest of the world doesn’t exist during this day. Â For me, I see it as an amazing opportunity to have some serious fun with my kids!
We’ve been at this parenting thing for just over six years, and October 31st requires extensive discussion every single year.  Don’t get me wrong, discussion is great.  It means that both parties are open to voicing and hearing the other person’s opinion.  However, it also means that there is obviously not a clearly defined answer to the question “What are we going to do this year for Halloween?”
Finding Balance
Our wonderful church hosts a neat little get-together where the kids can (but aren’t required to) dress up and they get to play carnival games and eat popcorn and get candy and they love it.  And I love it.  And my husband tolerates it. No scary costumes are allowed and there are no scary elements.  Other churches around town host other activities as well.  But this always seems to bring up the discussion in our house about whether people in the church should really be participating in this “holiday” at all.  That’s a long winding road that I am not going to traverse in this blog.  However, it is just another point that comes up each year when we are trying to decide what to do!
But this again brings me to another point: finding a balance which can exist in the home among two different people with different minds, hearts, souls, and backgrounds.  Each year we discuss extensively what’s on our hearts regarding this day.  Each year we battle with ourselves and sometimes one another.  Each year we find agreement and some middle, (or his side, or her side) ground that we rest on.  And each year we live to see another year as a family.
God Intends Us to Love
So often small and simple conflicts seem to wedge themselves further between us and our loved ones. Â And for what? Â Sometimes it’s our own pride that gets in the way. Â Sometimes it’s the sting of the other person’s words. Â Sometimes it’s just plain and simple bitterness. Â But whatever it is that is driving a wedge between spouses, children and families, it’s not of God. Â One of the most popular verses from the bible can be applied here.
How those words can sting when we are not practicing them! Â Love does not insist on its own way. Â For me I have to really dwell on this verse when there are times of friction between my husband and I. Â There will always be things to discuss. Â There are always opportunities for disagreements, whether it be about holiday celebrations or bigger issues in life. Â The thing I have to remember is that God intends for us to love.
Do you ever find that you and your spouse have one particular thing that you can’t seem to agree on? Â How have you worked through it?
What scriptures inspire you to love those God has placed in your life?
More Encouraging Posts:
- Introducing Quiet Time And Sticking To It! - June 1, 2018
- The Parable of the Persistent Widow - April 20, 2018
- Maintaining Friendships During Motherhood - March 22, 2018
We’ve been married for 18 years now, and we’ve (mostly) figured out our zones. There are specific areas that are my domain, and there are others that are his. And it works well for us, when I plan certain parts of our calendar (activities, committments, etc.) and he takes care of other parts. It really is a journey though, especially as our circumstances and stages of life change.
I think that one of the most amazing things about marriages is how so many different combinations of people can come together in a partnership and find a beautiful harmony! Thank you for sharing how you and your husband have found your harmony. It’s so true that each change of life’s season can be a time to reflect, review and renew what works and what doesn’t anymore! Congratulations on 18 years!
I was JUST saying to my husband today that, despite appearances, I’m NOT an extrovert. Like you, I want to be around people … until I don’t. And when I don’t, I really, really don’t. He’s a plain old introvert who considers sitting on either side of the room, each with your own book or computer, to be quality time. 😀
I don’t think there’s much we can’t – eventually – find a meeting point on. Sometimes it takes a while, though.
Marie, slow and steady wins the race! haha. I love that your personalities mirror my own experience! Sometimes struggles can be found in the most mundane tasks in life, but I completely agree with you that, in time, most things can be resolved.
We resolve it by respectfully listening to each other and being honest with what we have to say.
Mardene, it’s always so encouraging to me to hear from other’s about how they practice respect within their marriage! I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with just two words, respect and honesty! Thank you.
i’m praying for my mom to know the Lord – she and i are at two totally different ends of the spectrum
Lord, you are holy and awesome and have a love for every single person you created. We know more than anything you want Andi’s mom to know you too! We pray that her heart will open to you and she will understand your love for her too. In the One who is love – Amen!
Andi, thank you for sharing this request with us! Our greatest desire here is to encourage others through our thoughts and words. I will be believing with you for your mother’s salvation. I also have someone very close to me that is on the opposite end of the spectrum and it can be very hard on a relationship. I will be in prayer for your family. Remember that the best thing we can do is continue the work that the Lord has set before us! In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your… Read more »
It is amazing how much God’s word, when applied properly, enables us to live in peace with others. Love can conquer all, if we allow it.
Mary, this is beautifully said. Thank you!
We have gone back and forth on the Halloween issue as well. But when my son got convicted about not doing it a couple years ago, we have decided to back his conviction so he learns not to waver, and we do not celebrate anymore.
Miranda, I love what you’re saying here about how your son was the one feeling convicted! What an amazing way to teach a biblical principle through real life! It’s sure to be a lesson that sticks with him throughout his life.
We’ve been married for six years, and while we don’t agree on everything, we agree on the things that matter.
Melanie, that’s a fantastic point. There’s no reason that we have to feel like we need to give up our own opinions to agree with everything our spouse thinks. What really matters is agreeing on the most important things for your relationship and your family!
Halloween has never caused friction, but traveling to family certainly has! 🙂
I have always counted myself enormously blessed that my family and my husband’s family have kept traditions that are not always on the same days! It makes it easy for us to (usually) make it to both of our family’s functions! There will always be something that can cause a little friction 🙂
There are so many little things that can start a downward spiral for married couples, and knowing when to compromise, when to hold your ground and when to let it go is important in marriage.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Marissa
I have to agree with you wholeheartedly! Too many times it seems like we allow the little things to wedge themselves between us! Thank you for reading.
You are so true, God is not to author of confusion, that’s the enemy and as Christians we are to represent Christ in all that we do and that includes living together in harmony! That for sure is of God!
I’m with you! I love halloween and every single thing – can be turned into something horrible if we let it. This is a fun time to dress up, have fun – make good things of it!
Holidays are a great way to reach out to the community! Our church is in charge of a trunk or treat and it’s so much fun!
Holidays are such wonderful times for creating memories. But, sadly they also cause so much friction in some families. Even after 21 years of marriage, I find myself butting heads on some things with my husband.
This is so very true! Hubby and I have varying opinions on Halloween. Thanksgiving and Christmas are the same but with older relatives who have passed away the Holidays aren’t as special as they used to be.